


The cold Prince

by Avrina



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Cameras, Child Soldiers, Daydreaming, Dystopia, Epilepsy, F/M, Family, Family Secrets, Forced Marriage, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Knifeplay, Lies, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Modern Royalty, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Princes & Princesses, Royalty, Siblings, Soldiers, Suicide, TV Show, Timelines, War, War Robots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:53:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 30,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27023095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avrina/pseuds/Avrina
Summary: The Kingdom of Amaldea is the most peaceful country in a largely destroyed world.So they say.Aimee knows that the soldiers from foreign countries, called 'ghosts', who are supposed to be cared for in Amaldea, are actually their own soldiers, who control the war robots from afar. Devotionally, she cares for her twin brother and despises the royal family for their lies.But then she is called to the Prince's Palace as one of a hundred girls for Prince Leander's bride show. Her hope of returning home quickly is dashed when Leander passes the inheritance on to his younger brother - because Kaspian sets his own rules: his bride is the only girl who leaves the palace alive...
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Male Character
Comments: 5
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

"...I mean, have you seen the last episode? What they did with Bliss just isn't right!"

I nodded, although I wasn't sure what Eric meant, because I _hadn't_ seen the latest episode of the 6th season of _'Blood Clan'_.

"Honestly, there's the poor girl finally-" He broke off and I turned around, although I could rather sense his soft sigh than hear it, because the kitchen hood next to my head was buzzing loudly.

Eric had already sunk to the floor when I dropped the cooking spoon into the soup pot and then knelt down next to him. Fortunately he had missed the door frame and so he would be spared a bump. His hands twitched, but his breath was still calm, so I got up and went to see if Adrian or Zack- comrades from Eric's unit- may have fallen more unfavorably.

I found my twin wrapped in blankets in his reading chair, the reader had slipped out of his hand and his head had sunk to his shoulder, but he was comfortable. I picked up the reader, laid it on the small table next to the armchair and looked for Zack. The sudden call had caught him in the bathroom with his pants down and he had fallen over onto the tiles.

I sighed. "Johnny," I shouted loudly and carefully turned Zack's bony figure on its side.

"Yeah?"

"Can you help me a minute?"

"Sure." Johnny shuffled over, and grinned with a sneer when he saw Zack lying there. Still, he helped me put back the clothes on Zack and then carried him to his bed. As I covered Zack up, Johnny sighed tired. He was no less bony than Zack, and although he always pretended to be young and strong, he was no longer. More than thirty years of military service took their toll.

Afterwards we took Eric to his bed and then there was a little sweat on Johnny's forehead, which he tried to wipe off without being noticed.

"You're cooking," Johnny said in the hallway and I nodded.

"Vegetable soup. Again, Bree can't keep anything down." I looked at him, and he pulled the corner of his mouth up.

"Can I have a plate? With your fresh bread?"

"Sure." I smiled encouragingly at him and waited for his brief nod before going back to the kitchen to prepare some food for him. It didn't matter that it was only ten o'clock in the morning - if a ghost wanted to eat, he would get food. If he wanted a certain dish, I did my best to offer it to him. The six ghosts- the mental power in the robot warriors of Amaldea- in my care were too thin. Actually, they _all_ were, no matter how much good food you offered them or how much food supplements you stuffed into them.

Johnny shuffled into the dining area between the kitchen and the living room and smiled when I put a plate of soup and a thick slice of bread on the table.

"You know, my father used to say, _'Boy, marry a woman who can cook'_." He grinned crookedly and I grinned back.

"Was that a proposal?"

"Maybe." He winked at me and I gave him a pat on the back before I went back to the kitchen and turned off the stove. This joke between Johnny and me was already many years old and nothing more than that: a joke. A routine to provide a framework for everyday life, a touch of normality in a life not normal.

Ghosts didn't marry. Ghosts had no family. Most ghosts didn't even have real sexual experience, and those who could muster the physical and mental strength for such things would never have children. Medical supervision ensured that from the moment a teenager joined the ghost barracks, there would be no accidents.

I wasn't a ghost, just a caregiver, but my chances of starting a family were almost nil, even if I had not been robbed of my fertility.

Satisfied, while I was preparing dough for chocolate cookies, I watched over my shoulder as Johnny ate his entire portion.

"What are you doing?" he wanted to know.

"I'm going to make chocolate cookies later."

He made an enthusiastic sound and I gave him a smile, which he returned before bringing back the empty plate. "Thank you, Aimee."

And then he hugged me. Using a brain implant to operate a war robot changed the psyche and the body perception, and while some ghosts at some point could no longer bear to be touched at all, others needed a lot of attention. Johnny was in the second category.

I had learned how to deal with it, to let each of the ghosts in my care have their own peculiarities and quirks, and to endure hugs like this one. Whereas... _endure_ was a horrible word in that context. Johnny held on to me more than it would have been a loving gesture, gathering strength for another day. Most ghosts broke much earlier and many of their caregivers were also affected.

"Uh!" With a groan, Johnny backed away and grabbed his temple. The war called out to him, though much more gently than it had been for the other three. He had time to go to bed on his own before the connection was inevitably established.

Nevertheless, I checked that he was all right, looked after Zack at the same time, with whom he shared a room, and then looked into Adrian and Eric's room. Both were extremely quiet - good.

As I left the room, Jessica stepped out into the hallway and beamed at me. She obviously had a good day and so I beamed back.

"What can I do for you?" I wanted to know and she sniffed.

"Oh, soup. Is there any of that bread left?"

I nodded. Baking - whether bread, cookies or other things - was my passion. Almost all of the caregivers found one or the other thing they could do; Terence from the apartment across the hall painted, Sibylle from the left side knitted, Stacy from the right side also baked - the friendly competition always made sure that our protégés enjoyed a few urgently needed calories.

Jessica got her food and I examined her. She had been in a good mood a lot lately and that had put a few kilos on her ribs. In addition, she had retained her vanity despite all the strain and this led to her eating reasonably well in general.

"Did you hear?" she then began slurping. "Prince Leander has called for the bride show."

I glanced at her and was relieved to see that her fingers handling the tablet were steady. "Yes," I said briefly, "I heard it." The information had popped up right on all the news sites this morning.

"Isn't that fantastic?" she asked dreamily.

"Mm-hmm," I made neutral.

Jessica started humming, an ancient waltz, and swayed on the chair. I could watch her sink into her own little world, where she was the fiancée of a prince who didn't exist in reality. She took refuge in this dream world whenever she could. Still humming she ate her soup, made two pieces of bread dance together in the empty plate and I took a look at the tablet.

Leander Sanct'Flori, Crown Prince of Amaldea, looked into the camera with his typical soft smile. The way he looked, butter wouldn't melt in his mouth, but as heir to the throne he had to know about the cruel lies about the ghosts. He had turned thirty in spring and it was high time for his bridal show. If I wasn't mistaken, this was the third attempt to organize one.

Amaldea- the peaceful paradise.

The ghosts - soldiers of other countries in need of care.

Pha!

My parents believed that Adrian and I had joined the infamous Watchdogs, the legion protecting Amaldea's borders. Hardly anyone knew who the Watchdogs were, who the ghosts were, where the teenagers disappeared to when they entered the barracks north of Lightfall. I had entered the barracks ten years ago, shortly after my fifteenth birthday, and had not even left the compound once since. It was forbidden. I would only come out of here as a corpse.

"La-la-di-da, di-da, di-da... la-la-di-da, di-da, da-da..." Jessica hummed louder and I sighed softly.

How could anyone wish to join this family that forced such a life upon you? Who lied to their own people in such a way?

I would never understand it, but I was careful not to discuss it with Jessica. Adrian had tried it once and as a result she had tried to kill herself. We have been playing her game ever since. Just like we all bought Johnny's youthfulness. Or that Eric had more than one girl at a time.

"Oh, Leander is a sweet guy...", Jessica sighed and allowed me to clear her plate.

"Good looks aren't everything, Jess," I returned and she giggled. She was right, it wasn't like that, but a pretty exterior didn't make up for the inner ugliness of mendacity.

"Oh, come on, Aimee. Why don't you apply?"

I shook my head, and as if I had a choice, I said: "I'm going to stay by Adrian's side."

In spite of her daydreams, she was clear enough to understand, and she nodded. "But all the beautiful dresses and the music and the palace garden..." She sighed pining and then turned back to her tablet to read out loud passages from the article.

One hundred girls would be called to the Prince's Palace. They would fight for the prince under constant camera surveillance - the people had to have something of it, after all. They would complete tasks, prove their knowledge and skills, show that they had what it takes to be queen.

I listened to Jessica as if I cared, but actually I just felt sick. Still, I held back my thoughts about it.

Just as Jessica was reading a statement from King Leonardo, the intercom rang.

"House unit 1C32", I answered.

"A messenger is waiting for Aimee Connelly at the Gamma Gate, ma'am," explained a bored sounding gatekeeper. "There's a letter here that needs to be signed."

"Understood." I turned back to Jessica. "Hey, Jess... I have to go out for a minute."

"Okay," she returned without looking up from her reading.

I took the soft slippers off my feet and changed into my sneakers before I left the apartment and hurried down the three floors. Gate Gamma was a good twenty minutes walk from house unit 1C, so I grabbed an X-Board from the charging station at the front door and drove off. The round platform with the twelve wheels reacted to the user's weight shifts and although I hated them, it would only take me five minutes to get there.

~

Jessica sat wrapped in a blanket in front of the TV and watched a report on the preparations for the bride show. Aerial views of the Prince's Palace were just shown and yes, it was impressive, but I really didn't want to live there.

"Aren't the gardens beautiful?" Jessica murmured and I wasn't sure if she was talking to me or not.

"They are," I said gently, because it was the truth. Nevertheless, I turned to the heavy letter made of thick paper, which worried me a little bit. As I pulled the pages out of the envelope, I immediately noticed the royal emblem - two crossed keys in front of an old-fashioned quill - and I had to sit down.

_Dear Miss Aimee Connelly,_

_You have been chosen-_

It made me nauseous and I skimmed the rest.

I had been chosen. I was one of the hundred girls. Tomorrow, in less than 24 hours, I would be picked up. There were instructions on what I was to take and how to dress, and a strict reminder of my vow of silence regarding the ghosts - why did they choose someone like me?

Stunned, I stared at the letter, the seal, my name. The letters blurred again and again and the nausea crept up my throat until I had to swallow hard.

Why me? Why me of all people? I didn't want this at all!

But I was aware that I had no choice. I would go there, smile a little, and then, if Prince Leander should actually consider not throwing me out in the first round, politely ask to be allowed to return to my duties. Duties - that was something he had to know about, something he would respect. Right?

Only yesterday I had talked with Bree about the fact that we would never ever leave the barracks. Oh, things could change so quickly. I would actually leave the dreary grounds- but at what price?


	2. Chapter 2

The others had thought I was joking. I had shown them the invitation - the summons - and even then the reaction had been strange. In fact, it was silence- silence that hid any other reaction.

Adrian had later said that I would certainly return home soon, although I definitely had the potential to be a princess. He had sounded so proud and so lost at the same time that it broke my heart, even though I had planned to leave the palace as soon as possible.

And the whole time the question was haunting my mind why someone who lived such a life, who had to keep such a secret, was dragged in front of the cameras.

"Do you know what the bright side is?" Eric wanted to know when I put on my shoes.

"There's something bright about this?" I asked back.

"Our unit has been moved to another location and is in a kind of sleep mode for now. So we can watch you perfectly well." Eric grinned.

Adrian smiled weakly. "Mom and Dad will be watching too, you know. Show them that you haven't forgotten how to smile at the Watchdogs."

I made a face. "It's just another lie... what am I doing?" A little awkward, I stood up and grabbed my backpack. "Am I a Watchdog or do I take care of the ghosts?" This left Adrian, Eric, and Zack, who had come to say goodbye, with questioning faces.

The intercom beeped and I answered.

"The car for Miss Aimee Connelly is waiting at Gate Gamma."

"Coming." I turned to my twin. "Take care of yourself." We hugged each other and I kissed him on the cheek.

"Take care of yourself," echoed Adrian and kissed me on the forehead.

Eric and Zack also hugged me briefly but heartfelt, and then let me go.

~

The black inconspicuous car stayed outside the city on the ring-shaped highway and so I didn't see much except distant houses, fields and forests. Looking around Amaldea's capital Lightfall, it was hard to imagine that much of the world out there consisted of destroyed cities, dead earth and scrap metal.

The grounds of the Prince's Palace were surrounded by high walls which didn't look half as repellent as they actually were. The car rolled through a heavy, large gate made of metal leaves and tendrils, which apparently surrounded the royal emblem in the middle, and then up a slightly winding avenue to the massive main building of the palace. The sight was far more intimidating than the walls, and when I saw one of the other girls - dressed in an elegant evening gown - climbing the steps to the large entrance portal, I felt incredibly small and unimportant. I didn't have much clothing and only wore jeans and a T-shirt.

"Name and invitation please, miss," said a kind of butler nasally as I got out of the car and threw my backpack over my shoulder.

I handed him the letter and he raised his brows.

"Ah, Miss Connelly. May I remind you of your obligation of professional secrecy?"

I sighed. "I'd rather you tell me exactly what my job title is. As far as I'm informed, my family believes I'm with the Watchdogs."

The man smiled joyless and tapped my letter on his clipboard. "No, your transfer as caregiver of the ghosts is officially registered. And that is why your silence-"

"I got it," I growled. I was wondering if the man even knew what I had to keep quiet about.

"Please, inside the palace follow the instructions, miss."

I nodded and then I climbed the stairs. What I hadn't noticed before was a small door in the large entrance portal standing open.

Inside, the atmosphere was bright, friendly, and stately, and another man, who looked like a butler, nodded his greeting to me; behind him, a camera stood out very clearly, and my stomach protested. Now it started.

"Welcome to the Prince's Palace, Miss. Please, hand over your luggage and then down the corridor to the picture gallery. Refreshments will be provided until all ladies have arrived."

"My... luggage?"

He nodded and pulled a luggage tag from a coat pocket. "Your name?"

"Aimee Connelly."

He scribbled the name on it and then reached out his hand so that I couldn't do otherwise than give him the backpack. As I walked down the designated corridor, I looked back and saw an elderly woman disappear with my backpack into a room.

With a slight uneasiness I walked on and reached a huge room that was not only a picture gallery but also an art exhibition. Statues, showcases full of sculptures and treasures, large and small paintings... And in between young women.

Most of them were pretty dressed up, elegant and fashionable, with stylish hair and perfect makeup. As simple as I was dressed, and with a simple braid I stood out terribly in this noble ambience. I didn't want to be here, and even less with the irritated, surprised, pejorative looks I got.

~

It took at least two hours - filled with strolling and admiring - before a corpulent woman appeared and led us, who were apparently now complete, further through the palace. The corridors were decorated with more paintings and seemed to stretch endlessly in all directions - until I stepped out through a large glass door into a garden. It was beautiful, with blooming flowers everywhere, and had it been smaller, it could have been cozy, even romantic. There were a few benches and on one side, in front of a colonnade of tendril roses, was a lectern. I looked around and didn't see any obvious cameras - just a drone above the area - but a big scoreboard on the wall of the building with a red 100 shining on it.

"Aimee!"

I winced and turned to the voice, only to open my eyes in amazement. "Felicitas?"

"Oh my God! I never thought I'd see you here of all places!" Her eyes were big too, but not with joy. Everything about her spoke of not wanting to be here, even her strict business costume seemed dismissive. I had attended school with Felicitas and hadn't had any contact with the outside world since I _'joined'_ the Watchdogs, but she still looked very much like herself.

I smiled. "It's been a long time."

She nodded. Her mouth smiled, her eyes didn't, and her voice was cold. "My fiancé is waiting for me at home." A very direct statement and I nodded thoughtfully because I didn't know what to say. Unmarried and childless - therefore a potential bride.

We looked at each other, remained silent amidst the quiet murmuring that suddenly broke off.

"Crown Prince Leander Sanct'Flori!" someone announced loudly, a few girls screamed like enthusiastic groupies, others sighed pining.

Leander was a good-looking man, you had to give him that. Blond hair bleached by the sun fell into his blue eyes, which sparkled out of his tanned face. The dark gray suit seemed to envelop a perfect body and he moved extremely smoothly. Slender fingers surrounded the edge of the lectern and although I was standing quite far back in the group, I noticed how tense his smile seemed. In fact, it went out at that very moment.

"Welcome to the Prince's Palace, ladies," he said seriously. He didn't look as if he wanted to be here.

I glanced at Felicitas, who showed a minimal frown.

"You would think marriage was a tiresome duty," she murmured.

"I am here to make an announcement."

_He calls off the bride show_ , I thought hopefully, while the prince took a deep breath.

"Dear people of Amaldea. I, Leander Sanct'Flori, born as Prince of Amaldea, appointed heir, reject my inheritance."

Stunned silence.

I blinked in surprise. And now?

Suddenly the door through which we had entered the garden earlier opened and a young man stepped out. It was probably prince Kaspian who took his place next to Leander, but it was hard to tell. The young man was sickly pale and gaunt, and the impression was intensified by the jet-black suit. The narrow lips seemed bloodless. His head was shaved bald, except for the perhaps hand-wide strip of dirty blond hair directly on top of his head, which fell over the right side of his skull almost to his eyes.

"My brother Kaspian will take my place - as heir and bridegroom," Leander declared firmly.

_Oh._

"Oh," Felicitas made gloomy and she was not the only one.

I tried to remember why Kaspian had withdrawn from public life more than ten years ago, even before the death of his parents, but at that time I had been even less interested in the royal family than I was today.

Leander nodded strangely. "It was an honor." Then he stepped aside and Kaspian went in front of the lectern. He leaned against it in an arrogant gesture, but his face was completely expressionless, his gaze almost empty.

"I am Kaspian Sanct'Flori"- a strange shiver ran over his body- "born as Prince of Amaldea. I am"- a second shudder- "here to claim my inheritance." His voice was deeper than I had expected, and if it had not been so completely devoid of emotion, it might even have been pleasant.

For a moment I wondered whether he was consciously taking the following pause or not, but then I heard a faint whisper of epilepsy somewhere in front of me. Not that I had any idea about the matter, but he looked a little too ill for my taste to suffer from epilepsy alone.

Kaspian took a shaky breath and then twisted his face into something that was supposed to be a smile. "This is my bride show, and it will take place according to my rules."

"Uh...", someone on my right made ominous and I agreed inwardly.

"My word is law. If you want something, earn it." Again he shuddered and his face became a tense grimace before he obviously intentionally returned to the empty expression.

Now I shuddered too, because that was kind of scary. Next to me, Felicitas rolled her shoulders uncomfortably.

Kaspian's lips twitched for a moment without words, then he tilted his head a little. "Only my bride will leave the Prince's Palace alive."


	3. Chapter 3

Adrian's hand in mine was trembling as we followed the doctor through the hospital. The standard tests were done and now they would check our brain. Probably Adrian remembered, just like me, that the doctors at the last test two years ago told our parents that we had shown some interesting results but still needed to mature. _Mature_... it sounded like we were a fruit or a vegetable.

"Please, in here." The doctor pointed invitingly at a door and we entered. To be honest - my stomach went to my knees. Six chairs with leather straps for wrists and ankles, above each of which a metal helmet hung from a mechanism.

"Oh..." Adrian wasn't thrilled either. Through a second door, a woman had just led four other teenagers in, who had the surprise written all over their faces.

"Please, sit down. I know this looks scary, but it's to measure your brain waves." I didn't understand the rest of the technical, medical, and whatever-it-was explanations, but that probably wasn't the point either.

"Sit down," said the woman, who sounded much friendlier. "Don't worry, the wrist bands aren't really fastened. It's more about not accidentally touching your head or anything like that."

I looked at Adrian, who squeezed my hand before he let go of me. I nodded at him and chose the chair on the far left, he sat down on the one next to it. Since the chairs were arranged almost in a semicircle, I could pretty well see one of the girls who was here with us - she was crying, probably from fear.

"Don't be afraid, sweetheart, it's only a matter of a few questions," said the doctor.

"What kind of questions?" one of the boys curiously asked.

"Oh, all kinds of things." The woman started the preparations with me and actually tightened the straps around my wrists only loosely. Had I tried, I could have gotten free. "We can get a glimpse into your brain with this. Not visually, of course, but we get an idea of how you think. And that's what matters to us." She put the strange helmet on me, the round edges of which pressed heavily on my eyebrows, leaving my ears free.

The helmet was relatively firmly anchored and so I could hardly move my head, a rather rigid posture was forced upon me and I felt my hands getting cold. It was unpleasant to have to wait like this.

The man cleared his throat. "Please, close your eyes and keep them closed the whole time. Try not to fidget around. The questions we have are recorded on tape. Please do not answer them, just _think_ your answers. They are questions on different topics and please, concentrate. We can see if you are completely drifting, and then the test must be repeated."

Someone sighed reluctantly.

"So... please close your eyes."

I closed my eyes and my eyelids almost immediately began to flutter in protest. My feet were also getting cold, although they were in thick socks and warm winter shoes. Damn. When I was cold, I couldn't think.

It clicked and then a friendly voice sounded: "What is your name?"

_Aimee Connelly._

"And how old are you?"

_Fifteen._

"Would you like to tell me about your family?"

_Not really, no. Is that any of your business? And by the way, you don't have to talk to me like I'm a toddler._

I could feel my face reluctantly distorting. With every question, which were thematically related to all school subjects, my mood and willingness to participate sank; it became increasingly difficult for me to keep my eyes closed.

"I have one last question."

_Oh, thank God! The last one._

"Can you imagine to kill?"

Completely baffled, I repeated the question in my mind. Could I? I mean, if I have to... if I'm forced to... sometimes it's necessary, isn't it?

I thought of the video game Adrian and I had played a while ago. Every decision affected the rest of the game and often the decisions were about the level of violence you used. We shouldn't have played it at all, but our big sister Miranda was of age and had bought it for us.

In the beginning you work with a man who tells about his pregnant wife. Later you are betrayed by him and search for him, find him and a small group in an abandoned building. I had decided to sneak up on him and surprised him and a woman while arguing about how to proceed. I had chosen the option of threatening him, shot him in the leg as a warning - and then it escalated. In the end they were both dead and then it became clear that she was his wife, that a small family had just died. Sure, the guy had betrayed you before, but I wondered for days if this could have been avoided. A pregnant woman...

Could I kill in reality?

I played through various scenarios and came to an answer: probably yes. I was terribly cold, but my hands stopped shaking. If it was for my family...

I opened my eyes when someone touched my arm. It was Adrian who looked down at me strangely thoughtful while the woman untied my wrists.

"You're really absorbed in the question..."

"I..." Stunned, I noticed that the other four teenagers had already disappeared. "Oh."

"Don't worry, the last question is deliberately provocative." The woman smiled reassuringly and carefully pulled the helmet off my head.

"And now?", I asked, dazed and with a dry mouth. I swayed a little as I stood up, my hands tingling with cold.

"According to your results, we'll do another brain scan and then we'll need a few days for the evaluation."

I nodded and Adrian reached for my hand again as we followed the woman once more through the hallways of the hospital.

"How did you answer the last question?" Adrian wanted to know quietly. His face was unreadable, curious at most, and so I didn't answer immediately, making him finally turn to me. "Hmm?"

"I think you know it," I said a little evasive. I didn't like the fine smile creeping up his face. We were only fraternal twins, but we had been inseparable until now. I was afraid that puberty, the changes in the mind, would tear us apart.

"I guess I know..." he agreed and squeezed my hand. He had had nightmares about the game, I knew that, and asked myself how he had answered, because I wasn't really sure of that.

~

"You don't have to make a face as if we want to tell you about deadly tumors." The doctor's remark was supposed to be funny and Mom giggled dutifully, but Dad now really made a face.

"Please just tell us what all the tests have revealed," Dad asked seriously and the doctor nodded.

"To make a long story short: Your twins have great potential and also a very rare form of cerebral alignment."

"And what does that mean?" Mom wanted to know anxiously. She squeezed my hand almost painfully.

"It means, Mrs. Connelly, that we would like to send your children to the Watchdogs."

"Oh _fuck_!" Adrian exclaimed enthusiastically and almost jumped out of his chair.

"Adrian!", Mom hissed, while Dad cleared his throat excessively.

"The Watchdogs? I mean..."

"The _Watchdogs_ , Dad!"

The Watchdogs... That caught me a little off guard. The soldiers who were not called that and who protected Amaldea. At the borders, of course, far from home. It was... a surprise. Was it because we had answered _yes_ to the question about killing? And if so, was Amaldea in danger?

"Aimee?"

I looked up. "Yes?" Mom and Dad looked at me questioningly, the doctor and Adrian seemed expectant.

"Would you like to go to the Watchdogs?" Mom wanted to know quietly and squeezed my hand a little too firmly again.

I looked at Adrian, who seemed to be vibrating with anticipation. What if I said _no_?

"You don't have to decide now, Aimee, you have a few days," the doctor said as I searched for words.

I nodded.

We remained silent as we walked back to the car, but then Adrian grabbed my hand.

"Aimee, this is an incredible opportunity!"

"I know, Adrian..." I said quietly and had to smile at his enthusiasm. Still, I found it a little unsettling that he was so excited at the prospect. The Watchdogs protected Amaldea, but given that we had many peace treaties, there couldn't have been many dangers to the kingdom. So how exciting could the border service be? And if we were lied to and there _were_ dangers...

I didn't really want to think the thought through to the end.

"The Watchdogs...", I murmured and saw Dad's worried look through the rear view mirror, so I looked outside. A hard decision. Severe, most of all. The freedom to make this decision on my own almost suffocated me, but on the other hand: would I have complied if they had just sent me there?

As I got out of the car, I took a look at Adrian and he raised a brow.

"What are you thinking about?"

"About the game."

His second brow moved up. "Which means?"

"I want to play it again. But differently."

"Oh... I see."

I nodded slowly and when he started to grin, I realized that I had actually already made my decision. And he knew it too.


	4. Chapter 4

"My father won't let that happen!"

I blinked as the static noise in my ears turned back into voices. Excited chatter, partly verging on hysteria, filled the garden, apparently someone had fainted and anyway...

Felicitas had short breath, stared into the void with shock-widened eyes, and then a bleach-blonde young woman in an elegant dark green dress rushed past us.

"My father won't tolerate this," she repeated emphatically.

The two girls who accompanied her nodded eagerly.

Wasn't the question rather whether King Leonardo would let this happen? After all, it was quite possible that he had already approved the actions of his grandsons.

"He can't do that," Felicitas whispered in horror, while the three girls sat down on a bench quite close to us. They seemed quite relaxed for protesting like this. Perhaps they really believed that someone would try to dissuade Prince Kaspian from his plan, but somehow I doubted it. Leander had seemed far too serious, too composed and unshakable.

Felicitas' shrill voice rushed past me once again, single fragments of conversation came through to me, but otherwise Kaspian's words echoed in my head.

Why on earth would he do that? Why kill so many girls?

And then, as the initial excitement slowly subsided and it became clear that the palace, perhaps even the king himself, had been taken by surprise by the developments, I wondered uneasily what Kaspian would do with the announced tasks. How literally he would implement the _'fight for the prince'_. But I kept the thought to myself, because Felicitas, like many others, seemed to be on the verge of hysteria - the aimless waiting was wearing them down.

Dying. Because a prince with a god complex did not want me. I snorted and shook my head in disbelief. Even _if_ he wanted me - would I be able to stand beside someone who so thoughtlessly killed 99 girls?

  
  


We waited. For several hours. They brought us snacks and drinks, a small servants' bath was opened for us - and we waited. Finally, in the late afternoon, an inconspicuous man stepped up to the lectern and immediately a tense silence fell.

"The palace is announcing: the preselection, which will be made here and now, will include fifty of the women present. These fifty can return home immediately. For all other fifty remaining women, Prince Kaspian's wish will be granted."

Several horrified, outraged, incredulous cries and voices were raised.

"Prince Kaspian will present himself in a few minutes and make his preselection. Please, prepare yourself." The man nodded and withdrew.

"I don't believe it," muttered Felicitas. She trembled and looked at me with a grimace that could have represented both horror and relief.

"I guess King Leonardo didn't have much choice," I murmured back. "Leander is unlikely to change his mind after the performance earlier, and Kaspian... might as well have called the matter off and refused until the king gave in."

Felicitas looked at me critically. "How can you be so calm?"

I shrugged. "We all die one day." Of course I _didn't_ want to die, especially not like this, but there were worse things. I had seen worse fates, had seen deaths worse than what they would make the watching country see. My fingers moved to the right side of my head as if by magic, stroking over the hair, under which was hidden the scar I owed to the implant. My fate was already decided and maybe this was the nicer alternative.

"Maybe, but don't you have someone you want to go back to?"

"My brother. My protégés. But no lover, if that's what you mean." The only man I had ever loved had met one of these ugly fates, and I held Felicitas' gaze calmly. She had a fiancé and I didn't want to imagine how she must feel, but I for one... well, maybe I was holding on to the hope of being one of the fifty girls who would be sent home.

"There he is!" someone muttered tense and Felicitas and I half turned around.

Kaspian looked even paler than before, uncaring and almost bored. With slow movements he turned a pile of black cards between his fingers, as slow and listless as his steps. On his belt hung an old-fashioned little pouch. When he reached the lectern, it again became dead quiet. Slowly he let his eyes wander.

"Let us begin."

Despite the frightened silence, his low voice was hard to understand as he went from girl to girl. Some he pressed a black card into their hands without a single word - the sign to leave -, with most he exchanged at least a few words before giving a card or a kind of silver coin - for those who had to stay.

Meanwhile, I kept an eye on the display of the number of girls, but then I felt a certain excitement rising as he approached us.

"What's your name?" he asked the girl who was closest to us.

"Stephanie," she replied and raised her chin confidently. She was small, chubby and had a few clearly visible hickeys on her neck.

"What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a dental technician."

Kaspian nodded. "Are these really your favorite clothes?" That had been an instruction in the invitation: to wear your favorite clothes.

Stephanie was one of the really few women present who wore trousers, soft and wide, and a very colorful dotted blouse. She nodded. "Yes, absolutely."

Kaspian nodded again and pressed a coin into her hand. "Welcome to the Prince's Palace." As he turned away, Stephanie's self-confidence collapsed and in horror, she slapped a hand in front of her mouth.

Felicitas saw Kaspian approaching and respectfully took a few steps to the side so that I met him alone.

His eyes were pale blue, icy, and seemed almost dead when he looked at me.

"What's your name?"

"Aimee."

"What do you do for a living?"

"I don't earn money. I'm in government service." It could've been a joke, because a lot of civil servants complained about the lousy pay, but it wasn't.

In fact, a spark of interest flashed in Kaspian's eyes. "So, what exactly do you do?"

"I take care of the ghosts." I heard Felicitas gasp for air, but Kaspian's reaction was more interesting. His lips twitched, leaving his mouth a little open, and his upper body leaned slightly away from me. He stared at me again, and this time I actually recognized interest.

"I would like to return to my duty," I said seriously and he broke off eye contact.

"Welcome to the Prince's Palace." From the pouch on his belt, he pulled a coin and held it out to me.

I had no choice but to take it. Plain and silver, with a minted 22 on it. I enclosed it in my fist and looked over at Felicitas.

"What's your name?"

"Felicitas."

"What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a secretary."

"Are these your favorite clothes?"

"No. I was called away from the office." She sounded bitter and reluctant, and Kaspian kept examining her.

"From the office..."

"I work for my fiancé's company."

Something twitched in Kaspian's face. "Welcome to the Prince's Palace."

Felicitas' expression slipped, almost dropping her coin, and the prince had barely turned away when tears welled up in her eyes. "No... _no_!"

I hurried the few steps to her, and although our friendship had not existed in the last ten years, I comfortingly took her in my arms, where she began to sob.

Meanwhile, Kaspian had stepped to the next girl. "What's your name?"

"Melanie." She had eerie bulging eyes.

"What do you do for a living?"

"I'm studying. Medicine." She bravely wrung a smile from herself.

"Is this your favorite?"

She looked down on herself. The auburn dress made it pretty clear there wasn't much femininity about her. "My favorite clothes would be my pajamas..." she said cautiously, and Kaspian made a sound that was perhaps intended to be an amused snort.

"Welcome to the Prince's Palace."

Melanie burst into tears.

  
  


The Prince continued his round and the bleached-blonde woman in the dark green dress reappeared, again accompanied by the other two. One had Asian features, the other looked like a Latina.

"God, this is going to be a freak show," the blonde muttered condescendingly as Kaspian handed a coin to a dark-skinned girl in a canary yellow dress.

"What is he trying to accomplish?" asked the Asian skeptically.

"Satisfy minorities?", the blonde asked back in the same condescending tone and the Asian woman made a face.

Felicitas, who had calmed down a bit, snorted in indignation.

But the blonde was not entirely wrong, because the girls Kaspian had chosen were a lively mixture that showed no signs of patterns or preferences. I saw classic beauties, like the blonde, but also girls who would have been completely forgotten in everyday life - for example, Melanie with the bulging eyes. Or myself. There was the Asian girl, a Latina, a dark-skinned girl, there were slim, curvy and chubby girls.

The number on the display approached fifty and reached it when he stopped in front of two girls, silently examined them and then, without his usual questions, simply handed out the last card and the last coin. He seemed to care so incredibly little that I wondered why he was doing this. But the answer was simple: tradition.

Kaspian glanced at the scoreboard and then spread his arms in a strange gesture, half inviting, half resigned. "See you at dinner."

He disappeared into the palace, and in his place at least two dozen servants poured out.

"Please, ladies, follow us. We will show you to your rooms in the guest wing."

And again we went through the seemingly endless corridors of the Prince's Palace, but this time we split up according to the numbers on the coins and climbed to different floors. My group stopped on the second floor.

"Ladies." The man who led us cleared his throat. "There are no cameras in the assigned rooms, so don't worry. Your luggage will be brought to you in the next half hour and then please wait for further instructions. Someone will come to take measurements for any wardrobe you may need, so please cooperate." He cleared his throat again, but had said what he had to say and led us on.

"Numbers 20 and 21." He pointed to the left and right, a woman waved the two girls over.

A few steps further. "Numbers 22 and 23."

I stepped with another girl to another man who nodded at us.

"This is your identification number from now on. Please register a fingerprint of your choice at the door and then choose a number password between four and ten digits long."

I looked at the door, next to which a scanner and a keypad were embedded in the wall. The scanner flashed yellow and I let my right index finger scan, whereupon first the scanner turned green and then the keypad flashed yellow. The first thing I could think of was Adrian's six-digit soldier number and I typed it in. Suddenly my fingers were trembling.

"Thank you very much. Please wait calmly until you receive your luggage and further instructions." The man indicated a bow and then hurried away.

I glanced at the other girl, but she looked after the man with an empty stare.

The room was surprisingly large. To the left there was a big closet, a comfortable looking armchair and a small sideboard with a kettle and a tea set. To the right was a bathroom and around the corner was a large bed with countless pillows and blankets.

I took off my shoes, put the coin on one of the two bedside tables and then dropped onto the bed. The pillows and blankets seemed to welcome me; they embraced me gently and flatteringly, as if to make up for the cruel announcement of the prince.

Only his bride would leave the palace alive.

So much for my plan to convince the prince of my duty and let me go.

_Adrian, I'm sorry._

That was so absurd. Just so absurd.

Yesterday I woke up knowing that in ten, fifteen, maybe even twenty years I would _'inherit'_ Adrian's war robot. When my twin was worn out, a drained shell, mentally broken, I would take his place.

Today I would go to bed with the prospect of dying in a few days or weeks, in whatever way, because a sickly, spoiled, arrogant, disinterested, bored prince thought I was not good enough for him.

It was so absurd... so ridiculous...

In fact, I started to laugh, pathetic, a little mad, and tears ran down my face and into my hair. But I laughed.

_Oh Adrian, I'm sorry, I won't be coming home._

But what- or who- would stop me from fighting? Not for this asshole named Kaspian, but against him. Against the royal family and their lies. After all, in theory I was already a ghost.

I giggled and curled myself up. Depending on how my resistance was handled, this could have unpleasant consequences. But even lifelong isolation imprisonment was still better than being a ghost in service.


	5. Chapter 5

I don't know how long I lay on the bed, but when there was a knock, I had calmed down a lot. When I opened the door, one of the servants stood there and handed me my backpack.

"Here you are, miss." He turned away and pushed the baggage cart on before I even had time to thank him.

I closed the door and then stared at the backpack. There wasn't much in it: a few clothes, a small bag with bathroom stuff, my notebook with pen and a flexible picture frame with the only picture of Adrian and me I owned. It had been taken four years ago, on our 21st birthday, and Adrian had already looked pretty bad, even though the last two years had been especially hard for him. They had sent the picture to our parents and told them that there was a pathogen out there at the border which took a hell of a toll on you the first time before you became immune. More bullshit.

When I put the picture frame on the bedside table, it crossed my mind that Adrian had a doctor's appointment the day after tomorrow. For almost all the ghosts who commanded an _Amon_ , its specialty - being able to make ammunition out of scrap metal - sooner or later affected the digestion. Psychosomatic, but undeniable.

Vehemently I pushed the thought aside and flinched when there was another knock. This time it was two women who took a bold step: one with a measuring tape, the other with a tablet.

"Well, miss, we'll take our measurements now," the elder explained resolutely and examined me thoroughly. "Undress, please."

Hesitantly I followed the request until I was standing there in my underwear and almost immediately started to freeze.

The two women went about their job and I tried not to pattern myself too critically. I was slim, close to the limit of 'too thin', my breasts too small, my hips too wide, my arms too long, with small feet and big hands. I didn't want to judge my face, and the only thing I liked about myself was my golden blond hair.

"Do you have a favorite color?"

The question tore me from my drifting thoughts. "Blue."

"Preferred heel height?"

I blinked at the woman. "I've never worn shoes with heels before."

"Oh!" She cleared her throat. "Oh... well... any other things we could consider?"

"Warm, long things," I replied and received a startled look. "I get cold easily." The only reason I had put on a T-shirt today was because the aftermath of the last heat wave had not yet disappeared. Fittingly, I got goose bumps all over my body again and the woman raised her eyebrows.

"This may be a challenge," she remarked and the younger woman with the tablet sighed.

"Princess dresses are meant for plunging necklines and cute puffed sleeves."

I made a face. "It is the beginning of September. In three weeks at the latest the weather changes and then it gets wet and cold."

The young woman still looked at me skeptically, but the older one began to smile.

"A challenge is perhaps not so bad. A little variety, hmm?" She stared at me. "Dark blue velvet with black lace ..." Lost in thought, she turned the tape measure between her fingers before turning away and leaving with her assistant.

The door closed and I dressed again, but this time with a long-sleeved shirt from my backpack. Thereby I noticed an inconspicuous TV hanging on a swiveling rack and after some searching I found the remote control half hidden behind the kettle. The remote control had exactly three buttons and a little irritated I turned on the TV.

A picture of the garden appeared, **REC** shone in the lower left corner, while the camera slowly zoomed in on the palace, where we girls were streaming through the glass door into the garden.

A second channel showed a documentary about makeup.

On a third channel only an instruction was glowing: **please wait for the closet assistant**.

A fourth channel with a flashing **LIVE** showed Kaspian. He was sitting with a cup in his hand at a large table, with portraits of the girls spread out in front of him. In the light of the room, his face looked almost gray. He raised his left hand, which was shaking severely, probably wanted to reach for the pictures, but he faltered. His whole body was shaken by a tremor, the cup bumped against the edge of the table- and then it was over, his grimacing face smoothed out.

Pity rose in me, because I knew personally what it was like when your body disobeyed you, when you fought against yourself. However, the feeling vanished quickly when I discovered the picture of myself on the table. I changed the channel, but ended up on the first one where recorded images were shown again.

I switched off the TV and looked at the clock. It was still a few hours until dinner and I had no idea what this _closet assistant_ was supposed to be. Once again it was a matter of waiting.

~

A knock tore me out of my doze on the bed. When I opened the door, an ancient looking woman pushed a mobile closet into my room and then scrutinized me. She was extremely well dressed, her snow-white hair perfectly styled and her wrinkled face discreetly made up - she was imposing and I swallowed.

"So, sweetie. Let's go fill your closet," she said seriously and immediately began opening drawers and compartments on the mobile closet. She pulled out underwear in different colors and shapes and laid them on the bed, socks and pantyhose made of fabric or this transparent stuff, two warm fluffy pajamas in dark blue.

"This... what is all this?", I asked nervously as she opened a door and apparently looked through pullovers and the like.

"Selected clothes for you. Basics. For the various events, we will choose the appropriate outfit together, but right now I'm going to give you a basis for everyday life," she explained, without averting her gaze from the closet. What she said sounded like my visit here would take quite a while.

"Okay...", I said cautiously and accepted a stack of pullovers and long-sleeved shirts which I placed on the bed.

After less than twenty minutes, my bed overflowed. I don't know if there were as many pieces of clothing in our the entire apartment unit as were now being provided for me here, but I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the quantity, the colors, the materials...

The woman who had introduced herself as Olga looked at me critically. "You're a pretty plain little person, aren't you?"

"I guess so, yes..." I shrugged and she sucked at her lower lip, her hands on her hips.

"All right... how about this?" She pulled a pair of cream-colored trousers out of the closet and a thin pullover shimmering black and blue.

Again I shrugged. "Simple."

She rolled her eyes and took a pair of cream pumps out of a compartment. "You'll have to get used to heels."

Fortunately, the heels were quite flat and I nodded bravely. "Okay." Did I have a choice?

Olga hummed thoughtfully and then, with nimble fingers, looked through all the compartments and drawers again, added a few more pieces to the mass on my bed and then smiled grimly. "I think that's enough for a start."

"For a start?", I echoed in horror and she nodded.

"Sweetie, we are in a _palace_ here. You are here because you may be the next queen."

"There are people out there who don't own half that much."

"This is"- Olga closed one last door on the mobile closet - "admittedly not my problem. And it's not my job to worry about it either. I'm here to get you and some other girls dressed respectably." With a raised eyebrow, she glanced at me before opening the room door. "You should take a shower now and then get ready. They'll bring you to dinner at 7:30."

"Okay... thank you...", I murmured softly and closed the door behind her as she disappeared with the mobile closet. Slowly I went back to the bed and looked at the colorful chaos.

Clothes make the man, they say.

Clothes are a statement, they say.

My mom had once told Miranda that the right clothes could be like an armor. Not that my mom really knew anything about armor, but she probably wasn't wrong.

The question was: what or who did I want to be? What and how much of myself would I hide behind pretty fabrics?


	6. Chapter 6

The Watchdogs' administration building in the capital was a massive box of a building, but the reception area was as friendly as it could be. While Mom and Dad were clarifying some last questions about some documents, Adrian and I were already sent on our way. The receptionist pushed a button to open a door for us, which closed behind us in a way that I would have reacted to with an _'oh shit'_ in any video game. But here I was just amazed.

There were eight... _things_ on the wall opposite the door. Robots? Machines? Armor?

"Wow...", Adrian made awestruck, but I couldn't get a word out. Those things looked powerful. Powerful and dangerous. What the hell was that?

Slowly I followed Adrian, who was already curiously getting closer to these things.

"Do you know what they are?" he asked quietly.

"How should I know?", I asked back and stopped halfway. The things looked like the strange robot creatures from the old science fiction universe which were able to shift into cars, jets, trains or other things that could move around here on earth.

At least some of them. The thing standing more or less in the middle had more resemblance to an androgenic human in a diving suit and motorcycle helmet. To the left of it was something that looked like the space-suitable armor from various science fiction video games. In fact, I could almost imagine that the visor-like headboard would open at any moment and reveal a grinning man.

"Check this shit, Aimee..." Adrian had stepped to the thing on the far right and stared at it with complete fascination.

Glad that he didn't touch it and played with it, I went closer. "Damn big." The thing wasn't really that big, maybe as tall as Dad, but it didn't look like it was going to open up anywhere for a person to climb into. And anyway, what was the point?

I shivered as I looked at that thing. A massive, angular torso sat on sturdy legs and carried a rather small head; the arms were relatively short and thick.

"It looks like it could withstand a bazooka," Adrian remarked.

I sighed. "Is that really the first thing you think about?"

"Why not? Just look at them. That one over there has the same blue shield dots as the tank-fighter from 'Star Horizon' and that one has a rocket pack and that one has arms looking like rocket launchers and-"

"Okay, I get it."

Adrian grinned cheekily and my stomach got queasy. He was right, these things looked like war machines like we'd seen in games. But why?

"Found anything interesting yet?"

We flinched and drove around at the same time when a male voice sounded behind us. And then the heat shot me in the face. The man who had come in through a side door was damn attractive and smiled knowingly. _M. Jackson_ was standing on his name tag, which was hanging from a spotless white shirt.

"What are those things?" Adrian asked curiously while I tried not to stare at Jackson.

"That," he said, and already this single word dripping with pride, "is Amaldea's army. At least the physical part."

"Amaldea has no army," I promptly said, and Adrian added:

"We have the Watchdogs."

Jackson smiled as if we had made a childish joke. "The Watchdogs are nothing more than a bored bunch, just good enough to learn a few tricks to make them look good at parades."

"What?", I said in amazement.

"What?" echoed Adrian in horror.

Jackson now grinned broadly. "They sent you to the Watchdogs, didn't they? But you're not gonna be watchdogs. You're becoming ghosts."

"Wait," I said in confusion, "Wait. The ghosts are not our people. How can we become them?"

"What are the ghosts?"

"Soldiers from countries with whom we have treaties. They protect us and in return we take care of their soldiers who are unfit for battle. Recovery, PTSD therapy and so on..."

"No."

"But-"

"No." Jackson shook his head. "There are no such agreements."

"But-", Adrian started now too but Jackson's head shake became more intense.

"No. The ghosts are the souls of our war robots." He patted the arm of the monster we had just stared at. "I mean, it's true, Amaldea has no soldiers - at least not flesh and blood ones."

I stared at him speechlessly. "Excuse me?" I finally whispered.

"Like so many other countries, Amaldea has an army of robots. War machines," Jackson said slowly and strangely softly. "But the AIs we can make are not suitable for this purpose. So-"

"We can transfer a human consciousness into a machine?" Adrian burst in between and Jackson actually seemed surprised by the throw-in.

"No, not exactly. The ghosts have a brain implant that connects them to one of the robots."

I shuddered. "We're getting a _brain implant_?"

"Right. To become pilots of one of these babies here." Jackson proudly nodded again.

I looked at Adrian, who looked more skeptical than uncomfortable.

"Sounds dangerous."

"Well, brain surgery involves some risk, but losing a robot hurts less than losing a human." There was some truth to that.

I looked again at the eight war robots and wrapped my arms around myself. We had indeed been lied to. They lied to the whole country.

"Why is Amaldea being lied to?" I asked quietly and Jackson sighed.

"I don't know. I suppose it's for our own safety... the safety of the people." He hesitated briefly. "I really don't know, but I guess it's not our job to think about it either."

"Are you a ghost?", Adrian asked curiously.

"No. I'd like to be one, but my brain is not made for it." Jackson laughed quietly. "I build the robots."

"Cool."

"Yeah, isn't it?" He pointed to the nearest robot. "That's an _Amon_." Then he set himself in motion. "This is a _Titan_ , a _Thor_ , a _Valkyrie_ , a _Loki_ , a _Seth_ , a _Jupiter_ and an _Ares_." All names of ancient gods.

I thought it was a bit presumptuous, but the notion was forgotten when Jackson put a hand on my shoulder and smiled down at me.

"It's an honor to work with ghosts."

"And we'll definitely be ghosts and not... I mean... are the Watchdogs really that bad?" Adrian seemed to be really upset about it.

"Well, you're here and not in the Watchdogs' training barracks. If they show you the robots, there's no turning back." His voice was hard, but his hand, with which he cheerfully squeezed my shoulder, was warm.

_No turning back._ I shivered again as I realized that I was actually still a child. I had only just turned fifteen and although I was playing grown-up war games without permission, the prospect of actually being in one of those _things_ was kind of oppressive. Even though Mom and Dad never said anything about the games, they probably knew what we were playing - otherwise they would hardly have refused so vehemently to buy us VR equipment.

My gaze glided once again over the eight war robots on display and then to Adrian, who also looked thoughtful, but above all curious.

"You're building these things?" he asked Jackson.

"As an engineer, I am involved in the further development of the _Amon_." Without taking his hand off my shoulder, we walked down the row of robots back to the _Amon_. "The _Amon_ is an armed supporter capable of producing ammunition even in the fiercest of battles, as long as it has enough scrap metal and a few other materials at its disposal."

Adrian made an impressed sound and his eyes became big.

Jackson's hand on my shoulder squeezed gently again and I looked up, his smile making me feel uncomfortably warm once more.

"I guess maybe you'd prefer the _Valkyrie_. Our latest development. It's still a bit sensitive, but if you're nimble and agile, you should be able to handle the jet engines for flying well."

"Flying?" I whispered with fascination and Jackson nodded with an amused smile. And then I saw Adrian forming a heart with his fingers and grinning at me. I stuck out my tongue at him and walked along the robots again with slow steps. I didn't really care what these things could do exactly - if Adrian had made his choice, I would follow him. Someone had to watch out for this enthusiastic hothead.


	7. Chapter 7

Not that I knew much about modern castles, but the dining room looked as if five large tables had been placed in a ballroom for simplicity's sake. Infinitely high ceilings, huge windows on one side, murals of people strolling in a garden on the other side. Everything was kept in light shades of cream, gold, and generally soft colors, and the other girls mostly really looked like modern princesses in their simple but elegant dresses.

With half an ear I heard someone announce that there were no assigned seats and that we could therefore sit as we wanted- especially since Prince Kaspian apologized.

"Hey..." Felicitas touched my arm and together we went to one of the outer tables.

There was silence for the most part as we sat down and waited for whatever- most likely dinner.   
The other faces showed all sorts of emotions: from shock and horror, to resignation and desperate cheerfulness, to determination. In between were expressionless masks, like Felicitas'.

The girl opposite me had a honey-blonde bob and lovingly stroked the fluffy sleeves of her pink sweater. "Heavens, I've never seen so many clothes I like, that fit me, and look good on top of it."

Somebody snorted.

"No, really... most of the time I had to wear my sister's clothes and my own money goes on more important things than clothes..."

"What are you doing?" someone asked.

"I'm a waitress. Oh, and my name is Avril." Avril's happiness seemed real, but maybe her job had simply given her good acting skills. She was pretty much the only one who babbled at our table of ten girls. And she babbled and babbled while we were each given a plate of mixed starters.

I left the graceful little tower of rice salad right where it was, as well as the stuffed tomato, but I cut open the strange white package. Inside was white fish and a kind of salad and it tasted like pleasantly little. Then there was a flower of smoked ham, sprinkled with lemon juice and oil - so tender that it fell apart in my mouth. And a small crispy tartlet with creamy herb cream.

While Avril's mouth was just full, a dark-skinned, curvy girl at the right side of the table asked: "What do you think will be the first task?"

"Knowledge, I guess," said the girl at the left side of the table. Her long, dark blonde hair, which fell silky-smooth over her back, made me a little envious. "Politics and stuff." Her mouth was extremely wide, though.

"Then I'm out," said a tall stocky girl with short dark hair. "I hate politics."

"Don't say that!" said the chubby girl next to me.

"Why? I'm useless as queen. I'm not interested in politics, nor economics. I'm too impatient and too stingy for charity."

"But that means you'll die," Avril said, waving the fork.

"We practically all do."

The conversation took a very fitting pause when the plates were cleared.

"Why don't we all just introduce ourselves?", a girl with horse teeth then wanted to know in a gentle tone of voice.

"No thanks," growled the girl to the right of Felicitas. She had long red hair and looked rather pinched.

"Why not?", asked the wide-mouthed frog.

"Because I don't give a damn. Even if one of you is to be queen, I won't experience it."

"I like your attitude," I quietly noticed and Felicitas gave me a rib punch. "What? She's right. And honestly: a man who kills 99 young women so thoughtlessly... I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone like that. And certainly not sharing my bed with him."

The redhead nodded in agreement, while once again an almost embarrassed silence arose, in which we were served pasta in creamy orange sauce and small pieces of meat.

"I am Lisa. I teach sports in an elementary school," the wide-mouthed frog finally said bravely and reached for the fork.

"Julia. Physiotherapist," said the stocky one with the short hair.

The dark-skinned girl was a policewoman named Amy, the girl with the horse's teeth was named Mary-Ann and was a religion teacher, the chubby one next to me was named Monique and was a pharmacist. Then there was the architect Judy, small and with short dark curls, and the redhead introduced herself as Sarah after Felicitas and I had introduced ourselves.

By the way, the pasta was a dream in pumpkin sauce and fillet strips. I would have eaten twice as much, because since breakfast there had only been snacks for us, but afterwards there was fruit salad and a tiny tartlet with vanilla cream.

A little while after the dessert being served, we were told that we could have breakfast here every morning from seven o'clock on and the rest of the evening was ours.

I found the statement rather strange, because the palace was huge and somehow I doubted that we were actually allowed to move freely here, but I kept the thought to myself, because Felicitas muttered something about fresh air and disappeared in a hurry. With a sigh I looked after her.

"What would really interest me..."

I half turned around when I heard Sarah's growling voice.

"...is how we're going to be killed." She tilted her head slightly and her lips curled as she returned my gaze.

"Clean," I replied. Sarah could have been really pretty if it wasn't for the frosty look in her green eyes. "Clean and fast. The whole country is watching."

Sarah nodded and together we left the dining room. "Without violence, clean and fast. Sounds like poison."

I shrugged. "I really don't know anything about that." I knew how to kill with guns or with my bare hands, but that was anything but non-violent and clean.

"Care of the ghosts, hmm? There must be some fucked-up heads in there." Sarah stared at me and I nodded.

"I admit, though, that I've done well with my charges."

Sarah slipped a cheerless laugh. "It makes one want to trade places with you."

"You haven't told us what you're doing," I noticed then, only sounding casual on the surface. I had noticed how she moved and that her eyes seemed to perceive everything - she had been thoroughly trained.

"I protect Economic Advisor Delaine. And Little Miss over there." Sarah sounded snide and nodded in the direction of the trio I already knew. The bleach-blonde woman was Madeleine Delaine, the Advisor's daughter.

" _Little Miss_... Do you think that in her circles she was prepared to compete here?" I wanted to know and Sarah snorted.

"Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if her father had paid for her to attend Leander's bride show. It's not as if she's stupid, on the contrary, but she has no heart. And now imagine a heartless queen paired with a... whatever kind of man Kaspian really is."

"Does fit together," I mocked, winking at Sarah.

"Cold woman, cold prince, cold bed... poor Amaldea."

I just shrugged at her.

~  
  


The bed was too big and the room too quiet. I had talked with Sarah for a while before returning to my room, and now I tried to sleep - rather unsuccessfully.

It was never so quiet at home, because all the doors of the rooms were open, you could hear snoring or the soft sounds of the dreamers. I was trained to subconsciously listen and respond to it. If someone woke up or returned from a mission, they were allowed to wake me up at any time, whatever it was.

In the very beginning, when I was practically an apprentice of another caregiver, I had slept in Adrian's bed from time to time because we both needed the comfort.

I was tossing and turning, twisting the thoughts around in my head, wondering what would happen out of this shitty situation.   
Or better, how shitty and embarrassing the road to death would be.


	8. Chapter 8

After a terrible night, in which I slept restlessly and woke up several times because it was so eerily quiet around me, I forced myself out of bed at some point. A warm shower was strangely unsatisfactory and my stomach growled as I looked for the simplest things possible from the closet. As pretty as the gray pullover with the decorative buttons on the sleeves was, I put on my own shoes.

According to my wristwatch, it was exactly 7:23am when I entered the dining room and stood there as if rooted to the spot. Kaspian was sitting all alone at the middle of the five tables, enthroned at the head of the table, with a perfect view of the door. He had probably just arrived, because he was reaching for a basket of rolls when he noticed me.

"Sit down," he said soundlessly, and his inviting gesture to the seat to his left also seemed as friendly as if we urgently needed to talk about my worst transgressions.

"Good morning," I said quietly.

"Is it a good morning?", he wanted to know and raised an eyebrow as I sat down. He looked as tired as I felt, but he was visibly freshly shaved and also smelled of a mixture of bathroom products.

I shrugged in response. "We'll see."

He tilted his head slightly and then pointed his knife at the table, which was filled with everything you could possibly want for breakfast. My stomach jumped with joy at the quantity and choice. "If you want something else, all you have to do is ask."

"I thought if you want something, you have to earn it," I noticed pointedly and grabbed a roll.

"Not as far as food is concerned," he returned coolly. "You take care of the ghosts, you should know how important eating is."

I looked at him, a little surprised by his words, and noticed the pinched line around his mouth. But because the blossom-white shirt and the anthracite-colored sweater could not hide his own gauntness, I critically remarked: "You're the right one to tell." Admittedly, this wasn't quite fair. If he was really epileptic and had to take medication, it was not for me to judge his physical condition; the side effects of pharmaceuticals should not be underestimated.

His hands - a little too bony to be considered slim - twitched and his lips curled, he was angry. "Tea or coffee?" he asked nevertheless, quite the well-behaved prince. His voice was frosty.

"Tea, thank you," I replied politely, and while I was still pondering what delicacies I would garnish my roll with, a servant came to the table and brought a large pot of tea and a small cup of honey.

It was rather a habit that I poured first to another and then to myself; Kaspian didn't react at all.

We remained silent.

And the silence continued in an eerie way when the first other girls came and sat down at the table with us and had breakfast.

It was not long before Kaspian finished his tea and rose. "Ladies." His greeting was cool, and without another word he walked to a back door and disappeared.

"Did he say anything?" a girl with dark red hair asked.

I had been pondering since last night about where I knew her narrow face from, but it just wouldn't come to mind. "Nothing important," I replied and finished my breakfast.   
Since I had no idea what to do now, I returned to my room, at least not to be bored in front of the cameras' lenses.

~

A while later I accompanied Sarah to breakfast. In the meantime there was excited babbling in the hall.

"What's going on?" I wanted to know when I sat down next to Avril, who was stirring listlessly in her cornflakes.

"In twenty minutes, the first task is due."

"So? Yesterday you were very enthusiastic," Sarah noticed and grabbed a pear.

"I know." Avril sighed. "I left the TV on a little... Kaspian seems so lonely, so lost..."

I raised an eyebrow. "This guy's gonna kill all of us- almost all of us- and you're worried that he's _lonely_?"

"He's literally killing his company," Sarah added chewing, and Avril made a face.

"You weren't nice earlier either, Aimee. He's sick and you're picking on him."

I snorted. "I wasn't picking on him. That would sound different. But the fact that he's unhealthily thin is beyond question." And I hadn't said anything of the sort.

Avril's face distorted a little more, but this time more in the unhappy direction. "I would like to see him laugh. Or at least smile."

"Well, there will probably be nice cuddly dates with the Ice Prince soon, you can try your luck there," Sarah said with a wry sideways glance and licked fruit juice off her fingers.

"I will."

When Avril and Sarah were finished, the three of us went to the meeting point - the large entrance hall. Kaspian and two servants stood a little aside, whereby the prince let his eyes wander in boredom.

I also looked around inconspicuously and could not help but notice that the majority had actually dressed even for an unpredictable event like for a cocktail party.

"The ladies are all present," announced one of the servants - I now recognized him as the butler who greeted me as soon as I got out of the car.

Kaspian nodded and the second man opened the large front door. "We are going into the garden," announced Kaspian, and Felicitas, who had appeared silently beside me, sighed. Like so many other girls, she wore pumps.

And indeed, a little later Sarah and I exchanged amused glances as the girls desperately tried not to ruin their ankles or heels on the gravel paths or in the meadow.

"Ladies, please stand along the line," said the butler loudly, pointing to a bright yellow rope lying on the meadow.

We complied with the request and Felicitas next to me cursed suppressed as her heel got stuck in the ground. It must be terribly uncomfortable not to be able to stand firmly in such shoes.

"We will ask you questions," said the butler after a probing glance. "If you know the answer, step forward a step. If you don't know it, remain standing."

_Simple._ We nodded obediently.

Kaspian shoved his hands into his trouser pockets and nodded thoughtfully, whereupon the butler took a tablet from the second man and after a few seconds read the first question:

"What does the crest of Amaldea look like?"

The question was ridiculous and without hesitation we stepped forward like a wall. Well, not quite, Sarah didn't move.

I gave her a questioning look and she curled her lips into a mocking smile. Well, _denial_ was also a way of dealing with it, but my guess was that Kaspian would not put up with it for long.

I didn't count the questions, but the list seemed endless - and pretty soon I was the last one. However, I could not imagine that the three or four girls at the top actually knew all the answers.

Finally, Kaspian raised a hand and the butler, who had already taken a breath for the next question, paused. "That's enough."

"Very well, my prince."

Kaspian looked at us and then began to walk past the _'playing field'_ on the side. There was a fairly large center block that he practically ignored, and instead he gave Sarah a critical look. "You deny?"

"Yes, sir." There was a little mockery in her voice and Kaspian simply nodded before he turned to me.

"What about you?"

"I don't deny," I replied simply.

"So I see. Why are you the last?"

I shrugged. "It must be someone. But I answered to the best of my knowledge." And because he raised an eyebrow asking, I added: "I mean, what's the point of pretending to know if a written test can disprove me?"

He nodded almost approvingly at me and someone said quietly:

"You'd think someone who sits at home all day would have a little time to educate himself."

While some had been seen to be caught by my statement, many now seemed startled.

"Who was that?" Kaspian wanted to know coolly.

"...me."

"And who is _me_?"

"Nanami."

I couldn't see the girl in question through the central block, but I probably didn't need to. Kaspian's boredom was gone and replaced by annoyance.

"To return to the point of honesty... Who initiated the freight train agreement between Amaldea and the Maplewood Federation?"

I raised my hand, as did many others; the agreement was important and was discussed early in Modern History.

Kaspian nodded to a girl, the leading one, if I was not mistaken.

"Jackson Geary," she said, and Kaspian shook his head.

"Wrong."

"But-" Madeleine began to protest clearly audibly, while many arms sank down; mine stayed up.

" _Wrong_ ," Kaspian repeated sharply. "Jackson Geary was the first representative of Amaldea to sign the treaty alongside the king, but he did _not_ initiate it. Aimee."

He called out to me so unexpectedly that I blinked in amazement before I could answer. "Ryan Trussardi."

"Right." Kaspian nodded without even giving me a glance. "What was that about education?" He got no answer, and after a short pause, left without another word, leaving us in silence.

"I'd say someone has taken herself right out," Sarah brought it to the point behind me, breaking the tense silence.

"Oh God!" The sobbing probably came from Nanami and the redhead from the breakfast table noticed dryly:

"I doubt whether He can help you now."


	9. Chapter 9

With the tense atmosphere present, I actually wondered what it would have been like if we had been here for Leander. Competitive, for sure. Bitch-fights around every corner. Lousy tricks.  
And now? How long would it take until the fight for survival began? What lousy tricks would be dug up to live a few days longer?  
But on the other hand: Kaspian was an unknown. What and how much would he tolerate?

With such thoughts I entered a room in the early afternoon that looked like a large classroom, only that the tables were more like terminals.

Kaspian leaned bored at the 'teacher's desk' and gestured at us to sit down. When we had sat down, he nodded slightly. "As ridiculous as it sounds, but all this - these tests and games, your behavior, etc. - will add up to a queen score." He snorted almost contemptuously. "Even your popularity with the people. And just to ensure that we understand each other: the cameras here are not for the amusement of the people. That I have to get married is one thing, that I can't find my wife like every other man is one thing, but that's exactly why _this is my thing_." A fine frown adorned his forehead, and then he pulled a jackknife out of his jacket pocket, with which he began to play.

I heard here and there quiet gasps and now frowned myself.

"This is a knowledge test," he said after a moment and pressed a button, which brought our terminals to life.

Actually, I expected more, but he sat down in his own seat and pulled tiny earpieces out of his pocket. I raised an eyebrow and exchanged a look with Sarah, who just shrugged. Felicitas did not even look at me. With a stifled sigh, I tapped the screen.

The questions were mostly multiple choice, a few demanded a typed answer. And while the questions in the morning had only concerned politics and economic policy, now it was a mix of all the fields one could imagine. What actually hurt me a little was the fact that I simply couldn't answer some of the questions because I hadn't finished High School and lacked a certain general knowledge.

As for Kaspian, I got the impression that he used the time to watch recorded conversations of us girls. He showed no emotion whatsoever except to continue playing with the jackknife.

~

"Sweetie, I'm sorry, but we don't have much time." Olga rushed past me into the room as soon as I opened the door. She brought a clothes bag and opened it before she came to a standstill.

"Wow... I mean... what's this for?" Astonished, I looked at the dress that came out. It was high-necked and had not only long sleeves but also a turtleneck - in deep black. A little below the breasts a color gradient started and the lower third of the huge ball gown skirt was white.

"This is your dress for the ceremony of selection," Olga replied hurriedly. "The ceremony will already start in twenty minutes!"

She gestured that I should undress, and I complied with the request while she hung the dress on a hook and then searched my closet.

"Here." She handed me a pair of black panties and pantyhose before she pulled a pair of snow-white shoes out of a satchel that was in the garment bag. "God, I really hate to say this, but as soon as you're less, this will be less stressful."   
Yeah, that didn't sound very nice at all- not to say macabre- but from a sober employee point of view, she was probably right.

"Um... I don't know how to put this on...", I started cautiously, but Olga was all ready.

The turtleneck apparently had a button on the back, revealing that the back of the dress remained almost completely open. That explained why she hadn't handed me a bra. Olga helped me get into the dress, pulled and plucked and straightened everything on me, then bent down to help me into the shoes and also found a moment to pin up my hair a little in simple elegance.

"God, only five more minutes! Get out now!" As if my tardiness would cast a bad light on her, she shooed me out.

"Where do I have to go?", I wanted to know, because the TV had only told me to wait for my closet assistant - and that was Olga.

Olga waved her hand down the hallway. "In the garden, just like yesterday."

I hurried through the palace to the garden and stepped out into the cool evening air. Surprised, I saw that we were all wrapped in black and white and little grey, which suited some more, others less. I confess, I had not even had a proper glimpse in the mirror.

In all this uniformity of color, I didn't immediately succeed in finding Felicitas or Sarah, and when I at least discovered Sarah's red hair, a murmur spread.

Kaspian and his butler entered the garden and the latter was holding a covered tray in his hands. The prince came to the lectern and leaned against it; as his gaze wandered over us, his expression changed from bored to angry.  
"Actually..." he started and licked his lips, "I didn't want to start this right on the first day, but if there is one thing I cannot stand, it is disrespect." His voice was sharp and he almost spat out the key word in disgust. "There are many professions keeping a society going - doctors, teachers, farmers. And there are professions which make our lives not only possible but pleasant - restaurant staff, actors, jewelers." He addressed us, but also the people watching.

I could well imagine how everyone was glued to the screens of all kinds, at home or in company in restaurants, perhaps even betting.

"And then there are those who enable us to do all this in peace. The policemen, the Watchdogs... and the caregivers of the ghosts." He wanted to continue speaking, but then he paused and I frowned wondering what would happen next. "Now don't look at me as if I'm telling you the moon is pink! Amaldea has no army and why is that? Because of the peace treaties. And how did they come about? By taking care of the sons and daughters of other nations to be protected in exchange. Or at least not to become the focus of greed."

Oh, if only that were true. My hands clenched into fists and I gritted my teeth. _'Sons and daughters of other nations'_ , sure.   
So my twin was not a citizen of Amaldea?   
So my own brain implant was not there to link me to deadly war machines?   
The ghosts were sealed off, because...?

I began to tremble with rage, when suddenly the question arose in me whether Kaspian even knew the truth. He had lived in seclusion and I knew only too well how much effort had been put into keeping the ghosts' secret in small circles; presumably there had been no reason to initiate him. Maybe he actually believed what he was saying. But that did not make it any better.

"I cherish this peace," Kaspian continued. "I appreciate the opportunities it gives us. And all the men and women who care for the ghosts deserve our greatest respect, for they make an invaluable contribution to that very peace. I have visited the ghosts and their caregivers, and those who confuse this with housemothers from olden times are welcome to change their career." For a moment it seemed as if he was lacking air, and even his butler took a half step forward, but Kaspian hissed and raised his hand dismissively. "Nanami, since I don't want to know how far your disrespect really goes, you will leave us. Step forward."

An exceptionally pretty Asian woman with long, shimmering hair stepped up trembling.

Although her remark had regarded me, I felt pity. To die for careless words was awful- although it had to be said that Kaspian had an acceptable justification (within the limits he set himself, at least). I watched tense as Kaspian took a simple cup from the tray the butler handed him and then led Nanami to a bench. As I had been standing on the edge at first, I now had an unpleasantly good view and saw tears glistening on her cheeks.

She sat down and took the cup - Sarah's thinking about the poison had been right - and drank after Kaspian had given her a serious nod.

And then we waited, in a tense, fascinated and disgusted silence which tickled your skin and closed your throats.

It took perhaps a minute before Nanami began to sway in her sitting position.

"Lie down," Kaspian said coldly and she did as commanded.

I heard two or three heavy breaths, as clear and loud as if I was sitting next to her, and then he faltered; the cup slipped from her hand and rolled across the floor.

The shocked silence was not even interrupted by a gasp or a sob.

Nanami was not the first dead person I saw- live and in reality.   
Before Bree came to our house unit, Hazel had lived in a room with Jessica. Her robot had been shredded during a mission and the shock had literally fried her brain.   
Before Eric came to us, Adrian had shared the room with a veteran named Roger. Roger had just dropped dead one day because his nearly burned-out mind could no longer keep his body going.   
And there was Jim, who had killed himself, but I shoved those memories aside.

"I don't want a wife who smiles nicely and gives birth to the next king and is otherwise useless." In the end, it was Kaspian who broke the silence in a frosty voice. His condescending look passed over us and I involuntarily shivered. "I want a wife who stands proudly by my side, who supports me and compensates for my weaknesses. _I want a queen_." Everything about him- his tone of voice, his posture, his eyes- managed to make us believe that he would not find such a woman in this group.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: on-screen suicide.

I swung my legs out of bed and rubbed my face. A shitty night full of weird nightmares lay behind me and I flinched hard when there was a knock at the open door.

"Hey, hey... Jim left already?" Adrian smiled at me.

"Jim wasn't here at all," I returned and stood up to stretch. "You were on a mission."

Adrian's grin faded and he rolled his eyes. "What if he comes by or you go to him and then we get called out on an operation?"

"That's different."

Adrian sighed. We've been having this discussion now since Jim first had stayed here almost two years ago- with the door open, mind you. For me, the ghosts came before my relationship and Adrian thought it should be the other way around, but since Jim thought as I did, my brother's objections fell on deaf ears.

"Do you want breakfast or can I get dressed first?" I wanted to know and he sighed again.

"I can take cornflakes from the cupboard myself and I don't think I'll break my back holding a milk bottle."

I stuck out my tongue and he closed the door so that I could at least dress in privacy.

When I entered the kitchen, Adrian was already leaning against a kitchen counter, completely relaxed, spooning his cornflakes; Eric was standing next to him.

"Good morning," Eric greeted me with a full mouth and I nodded at him.

"How was the mission?"

"Why don't you ask me?", Adrian moaned offended.

"Because I asked Eric."

"It was okay, we've had worse," Eric replied, shrugging. "Nothing a _Titan_ can't fix."

I nodded calmly. Eric might have been quite pragmatic about things, but at least he didn't play them down, as Adrian liked to do to reassure me. Still, I was not overly happy with the answer.

"Delta said we should keep plugging in and checking our progress," Eric continued and I raised an eyebrow.

"It obviously wasn't that harmless..."

"That's not it. We're just in... an uncomfortable area," Adrian now said, not seeming very happy to have to say that.

"Oh, well..."

"Delta's just being careful."

Eric nodded. "I think he's afraid he'll screw up his first command right away." Delta was a _Loki_ , this android warrior in a motorbike helmet, and had only recently been given command. It was joked that his name was Derek, and out of respect for the prior leader (and now second-in-command) named Derek, he let himself be called Delta, which was the beginning of his ID.

Adrian started to answer, but the beeping of the message terminal in the living room kept him from doing so.

I went to the terminal, opened the message and sighed.

"What is it?", Adrian wanted to know chewing.

"Shooting practice. _Again_."

"They keep you guys pretty busy." Eric grinned audibly and I sighed anew. My ray of hope was that Jim was on the list of participants as well.

~

Six of us stood in the shooting range and went through five different weapons one after the other. Before I fired at last with the small pistol, I turned briefly to the scoreboard shining behind us. My score was in line with my average, but Jim did very well today. He had seemed a little tense before the start, but had kissed me as usual and held my hand on the way here.

I fired. Seven times, eight times, secured the gun and pressed the button, which said I was done. Apparently, I was the last one, because the targets slid closer directly for evaluation. With one hand on the earmuffs, I paused. Jim's target had only seven bullet holes.

"Jim?" I pulled the protectors off my ears and frowned.

_"... but love can kill you, if you lose someone..."_ , Jim sang softly to himself and irritated I stepped out of my bay to look into his.

_"...nothing lasts forever..."_ He had removed the earmuffs, but still held the gun in his hand.

"Jim?"

_"Love's a loaded gun."_ He put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

I flinched at the sound, blood splattered onto my face and I squinted my eyes for a moment, listening to Jim's body and the gun hitting the floor. And to the excited shouts from the others.

I blinked and forced myself to look at Jim, right in his face, and couldn't help but notice that he had placed the gun barrel just below his implant scar.

The folded paper in the breast pocket of his polo shirt had caught my eye already earlier, but now I pulled it out with trembling fingers, shaking off the hands that reached out to get me and drag me away.

_Dear Mr. James Hall,_

_We very much regret to inform you of the death of your relative John Hall (Relationship: brother, twins (identical))._  
_Hereby you receive the order to report to the central office within 24 hours to take over the war robot type **ARES** , imprinted on John Hall._

_Damn coward_ , I thought and took a step back, bumping into someone.

"Aimee?"

"Fucking coward," I whispered and felt hot tears burning on my cheeks.

"Aimee!"

"Fucking coward! Damn, you are..." Sobbing, I collapsed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics taken from "Sing" by Blutengel


	11. Chapter 11

For my second breakfast in the palace I appeared much later and the prince's table was already occupied. I wasn't upset about it and sat down at one of the outside tables.

Kaspian had breakfast with a stony face, but the girls sitting with him smiled. There was Madeleine with her two friends, there was the redheaded girl called Olivia (when the name was mentioned, I remembered how I knew her, she was the daughter of the military adviser), there were girls sitting whose names I had not yet memorized, and Avril was sitting there, too. Since she had said she wanted to see Kaspian smile, I was not surprised.

"Hey..." Sarah let herself fall next to me.

"Hey..." I nodded at her.

"Sleep well?"

"Do I look like it?"

She grinned crookedly. "Did you see his face?"

"Looks the same as ever," I returned dry and shoved the last bit of a bun in my mouth.

"Exactly. Look at the ladies... the will to survive has set in and he doesn't care in the slightest."

I shrugged and swallowed before I said: "I don't care either. As far as I'm concerned, he can marry the statue in the lobby."

"But she cannot give him children," Sarah mocked and nodded a greeting past me to Felicitas.

"Do you think he can even get it up as emotionless as he seems?", I wanted to know. "Hey!" Felicitas had given me a pat on the head.

"Show a bit more respect, or you'll be next tonight," she said seriously before she sat down. There was some truth in it, though:

"You could also pass it off as a concerned interest," I returned and sipped my tea.

Sarah snorted.

"If you suppress your feelings in this way, surely you're suppressing-"

"Let it go," Felicitas interrupted me and I looked at her critically. She looked tired and bitter.

I swallowed my next remark and instead watched Kaspian leave the dining room. Two minutes later we were told the morning's task.

~

The dance hall was full of mirrors, the parquet was worn, and very obviously only meant for practice. The loudspeakers were well integrated into the setting, but the monstrosity of the music system broke out of one side of the wall like a black beast. A group of men in dark suits and strange masks stood next to a wall.

I couldn't see exactly from where, but a man in wide pants and a tight shirt came floating towards us, a big smile on his face.

"Good afternoon, ladies. My name is Theo and I am the master of dance."

There was a little giggling.

"Anyone who thinks they can dance, please go over there. Anyone who needs a refresher there. Those who cannot dance, come with me." He strangely twisted his raised hand before he turned and headed for the far corner.

With a quiet murmur the group sorted itself and I followed Theo. Sarah and Melanie joined me - it was just the three of us.

"Ah, look at that. Just three, how-"

"I'm only here because I have to," Sarah interrupted him and rolled her eyes. "I'm just gonna sit in the corner and watch."

Theo had probably been warned, because he merely nodded. "Completely new to the world of dance steps?" he turned to us.

I nodded mutely and Melanie started to answer, but then also left it at a nod.

"Hmm. All right." He nodded and smiled encouragingly. "Let's just start, shall we? Ignore the music for now." Said music began to play during his words, a slow waltz. "Now, just stand easy and then..." He turned his back on us and demonstrated the movements.

It was not difficult, really not, just unfamiliar. After the steps came the theoretical arm position and then we danced with Theo as partner- again and again.

I found it weird, honestly. I didn't know this man, but the dancing posture had something intimate about it, and that was uncomfortable.

Sarah had her eyes half closed and seemed extremely bored, but when Theo turned me around a little too sweepingly for my taste, she gave me a mocking smile.

Melanie, while dancing with Theo, made a face as if she was about to have a panic attack.

"Look at the others," he then said and I turned around. A dozen couples seemed to float across the dance floor, and if the girls had worn wide skirts, it would have looked even more impressive.

"Wow...", I murmured.

"I'm here every morning," Theo said with an audible smile and I nodded absently. Maybe dancing lessons were a meaningful occupation. A distraction.

Melanie muttered something incomprehensible, but before I could ask, the door opened and Kaspian stalked in. Several couples got out of step, but he signaled to continue with a hand movement.

But then, as the music ended and a new tune began, he joined the group. "May I have this dance?" His voice was still soundless, its deep sound not fitting his gaunt figure, but this time there was something in it that suggested how he must have sounded as a normal man.

Penelope- Penny- the Latina friend of Madeleine, to whom he implied a bow, giggled embarrassed and reached out her hand to him.

Seconds later they were spinning across the dance floor with much bigger steps than Theo had shown me. It was impressive, really. Even the fact that Penny was a bit taller than Kaspian receded behind the easy elegance and I was amazed.

"I guess Penny and Madeleine have been friends for the longest time," Melanie murmured uneasily and I looked over at Madeleine, who was trying to look unimpressed. You could tell, however, that she had to force herself to give Penny a smile and a thumbs-up when the dance ended. The woman certainly had no problem walking over dead bodies on her way to the crown.

Kaspian was the only one who was actually completely unimpressed by this. He left the room without another glance.

~

After lunch we were taken back to the classroom with the terminals. On the white board, it was written in square red letters: **"Choose the princess who best represents you. You will wear one of her dresses tonight."**

Over the quiet murmur I heard Sarah cursing. "As if I'm going to squeeze into a shitty princess dress!" she snorted and Felicitas sighed.

"Not _all_ princesses wear dresses, Sarah."

"I'm not keen on that either," I growled, but grabbed the headphones.

"But we are here because Amaldea needs a new princess," I heard Monique say mockingly.

And then I was downright slain by the abundance of princesses who were offering themselves to me. The terminal screen was overflowing with bright colors and imitation glitter and I wasn't sure if I even knew half of the characters. It took a while before I could display an alphabetical list, and then I sighed again. It would take forever.

I only looked at the Arab princess _Aisha_ for a brief moment - I didn't really like the young woman taming desert demons.

_Princess/Queen Anna_ \- great, directly the second in the list I didn't know. I typed around a bit and got Anna von Arendelle and her sister Elsa displayed. The word _sister_ made me stop and I looked for princesses with siblings. The list was disconcertingly short and so I chose the sisters from Arendelle to find out more about them.

Three and a half hours later I was sitting in front of the terminal with drying tears on my cheeks and a childish grin on my face and confirmed my choice. All the others had already left, but I didn't care. Kaspian would want to know _why_ we had chosen, how we had chosen- and I was quite happy with my answer.

~

In the late afternoon we were shooed from the lounge where we were sitting and were more or less bored to our rooms. After a short time I was bored there as well, but just when I was ready to watch the recordings of the day, there was a knock on the door.

"My dear, your choice is _extraordinary_!" Olga smiled broadly when I let her in.

"Really?"

She nodded and hung up the garment bag. But instead of opening it, she looked at me from top to bottom. "You don't need any help getting dressed, really you don't. You have almost two hours, so go take a shower, make yourself pretty and then get dressed. You are expected in the garden at seven."

"O-okay..." A little surprised, I looked after Olga, who left immediately. I opened the garment bag myself and laughed quietly.

I regretted my choice when I left the carpeted living area and my bare feet turned into lumps of ice on the marble floor. The lavender leggings were razor-thin and the white top, whose long see-through coattails waved around my knees, had long sleeves but was off-the-shoulder. I was already freezing terribly before I even stepped out into the garden.

There, however, I stopped almost immediately, dazzled by the glittering and sparkling splendor of the elaborate dresses. Now I understood what Olga had meant - I stood out, even though I too was glittering.

I spotted Felicitas, who was stuck in a candy pink monster with white lace, and made my way to her.

"God, you'll catch your death out here," she greeted me when she saw my bare feet.

I took a meaningful look at her low neckline, but said: "You'll go snow-blind here."

"As if a unicorn had thrown up," Sarah sneered as she pushed herself past Amy - wrapped in a horrible ball gown of light blue tulle. She was wearing some sort of hunter's outfit that was completely unknown to me.

"Pull yourself together," Felicitas warned grumpy.

I grinned a little inappropriately. "What could happen?"

But instead of an answer, she just sighed, and just as Sarah was about to open her mouth, Kaspian stepped into the garden. I almost thought I saw horrified disbelief on his face, but as he stepped to his lectern, he curled his lips mockingly.

"Visually an interesting selection. A nightmare in pastel."

I couldn't help but grin and Sarah laughed suppressed. Some of the other girls seemed indeed to be offended.

"Well, whatever... give me some room or I'll step on your precious skirts."

I snorted while we all spread out as best we could in the limited area.

"So... Stacy..." Kaspian started and looked at Stacy, who was wearing a dark green-blue dress and had a quiver and bow around the waist. "Who are you and why?"

"M-Merida," she replied quietly. Though I was not that far away from her, I hardly understood her. "Princess Merida. She is brave and wants to go her own way and... and wants... she stands up for her mistakes."

Kaspian merely nodded and walked on. "Danielle..."

Danielle, the dark-skinned girl who had already attracted attention right at the beginning with her canary-yellow dress, was now wearing yellow as well: the ball gown from "Beauty and the Beast".

"Who are you and why?"

"Belle. Yellow is my favorite color." She smiled dreamily.

As I watched and listened to how many gave an answer similar to Danielle's, I wondered if it had really been so unpredictable that Kaspian wanted to have a reason for our choice.

"I see you have not refused the task," Kaspian then remarked to Sarah.

Rolling her eyes, she said: "That's only because I have found something that has pants and doesn't sparkle."

Kaspian nodded and then turned to me. "And you?"

"Queen Elsa of Arendelle," I replied, clasping my hands behind my back - my fingernails had turned blue a while ago.

"A queen, ah.", Kaspian said before I could state my reason. "Was the task not to choose a _princess_?"

I shrugged. "Elsa was once a princess. Besides, you said yourself, you wanted a _queen_."

He leaned his upper body back a little and squinted his eyes slightly before nodding weakly.

"She is worried about her kingdom, her people, her _sister_ , and she takes great pains to discover the truth," I explained, and Kaspian nodded thoughtfully.

"So here we are again with honesty..."

It felt as if I was being stamped at that very moment.

His look glided along me. "You're freezing," he said needlessly and I grimaced; the bra cup of the top was not strong enough to hide my nipples, hard from the cold.

"Obviously," I returned sourly and wiggled my bare toes tellingly.

He turned away.

Felicitas gave some very cheesy answer and shortly after, Kaspian joined Sayuri, the Asian attachment of Madeleine. She too wore the yellow ball gown from "Beauty and the Beast".

"Well, Belle is a very well-read young woman and doesn't mind being smiled at because of it," Sayuri started and stroked her skirts. "Just like they say that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, it is the same with the Beast. She sees the beauty that lies within." The look she gave Kaspian was dangerous, if he should feel offended by the comparison hidden in it.

"Then why didn't you choose her normal outfit?", he simply wanted to know.

"This is her princess dress," Sayuri returned and he nodded before he stepped to Madeleine, who was wrapped in a monster of white frills and lace and bows, decorated from top to bottom with glittering stones. Looking at her hurt the eyes.

"And you, Madeleine?"

"Queen Serenity," she said gracefully and curtseyed. "She cares for her people with devotion, is modest and kind."

"With a dress like that, _modesty_ is the last thing to cross my mind," Kaspian remarked critically, and Sarah, who had strolled up to me, snorted amusedly.

"I think Maddy thinks in too big dimensions," she whispered to me.

I shrugged. "Sooner or later, Kaspian will probably give her his opinion on this. Even if it's in the shape of a cup of poison."

Kaspian questioned the last girls, then stepped back to the lectern. His gaze glided over us, not quite as bored as usual. From his jacket pocket he pulled out two silver bracelets, each with a shimmering black pendant.

"What's he got there?" Judy wanted to know a little further away and stretched her neck.

"I have received some quite interesting answers," Kaspian said seriously. "Interesting in that they give an impression of your character, perhaps even your thinking. Tomorrow I'll start with the first four-eye-talks"- it didn't surprise me a bit that he didn't call it a single date- "but first... Sayuri and Aimee, please come here."

I was so surprised that Sarah had to give me a little push to get me moving. As we stood next to the lectern, he held up the bracelets.

"I had said if you want something, you have to earn it. These are the tokens I chose. Whoever receives one is allowed to express a wish." He looked each of us briefly in the eyes. "I liked your answers." And with that he handed us one of the bracelets each.

"Thank you", Sayuri stammered embarrassed and I nodded agreeing, honestly amazed. The pendant was a black rose blossom and even before I could do more than look at it, Kaspian stomped away.

"Time for dinner," he exclaimed over his shoulder without any concern.


	12. Chapter 12

I entered the dining room just as Kaspian was sitting down. It smelled of fresh rolls and I played with the bracelet as I walked towards him and then sat down next to him.

"Good morning," we said at the same time.

"Tea?", he asked immediately and when I nodded, he reached for the teapot.

"I guess this token doesn't allow me to go home...?" I still twisted the bracelet between my fingers.

"No," he replied and poured us some tea.

"Well, it was worth a try. Thanks." I took the honey.

"Perhaps another option?" he suggested neutrally.

"This palace has a library, doesn't it?"

"Sure."

"Is it open to the public?"

"No."

"Then I want access to the library." I held the bracelet out to him, and he answered my gaze for a moment before accepting the bracelet.

"Access granted." He nodded slightly, then, with deft fingers, he detached the pendant from the bracelet. To my surprise, he then held it out to me invitingly and I surprised myself by holding out my arm to him. He tied it around my wrist and then lifted one corner of his mouth - it was almost like a smile. "Good request."

"Thank you." I reached for the bread basket, offered it to Kaspian, and then added: "Perhaps, in addition to a little distraction, I will find a little education there."

Grabbing a roll, he snorted and seemed to choke on the sound the next second.

"Kaspian?" I dropped my roll and the knife and grabbed him by the shoulder, before he - gagging violently - slammed his head on the plate. "Kaspian!"

With a goosebumps-causing rattling sound, he took a breath and threw his head back. "Fuck..." He trembled all over his body, pressed himself into the chair with all his might.

I let go of him, asked myself briefly why no one came running to help him, and shuddered as his eyes rolled towards me without his head moving.

And then it was over and he gasped. "Fuck!" A fine film of sweat stood on his forehead and he swallowed.

"Are you okay?" I hesitantly wanted to know.

"Yeah..." he whispered. His hands were still shaking a little. "Thank you."

I nodded silently and finally cut open my roll. And because Kaspian didn't move, but just sat there and breathed, I cut his open, too.

"Thank you." He licked his lips and cleared his throat. "Why are you doing this?"

"Failure to render assistance can end up in jail," I replied dryly, smearing butter on my bun. "Apart from that... you are an asshole, but you can't help your illness. And helping is my job."

"And I thought I was looking for a _bride_ and not a personal nurse." He looked at me with a raised eyebrow and I smiled mockingly.

"Might be worth a try."

"Do you think there's someone to find?" He seemed amused, but in this gloomy way, which doesn't bode well.

"After you've already started killing your potential brides? I doubt it, honestly." I shook my head weakly.

"So I'm a _murderous asshole_ ," he said, and I bowed my head in agreement as I reached for the boiled ham.

"A murderous asshole who will be king in the near future. I think in other states of government they call it a dictator."

A subtle but dangerous smile crept up on his lips and he reached for the bread knife, made it dance between his fingers until he held it in his left hand - before I could blink, he pressed the sharp tip of the blade between the knuckles of my right hand. "You know, Aimee... the line between honesty and disrespect is a thin one." In keeping with his words, he drew the knife across my skin, leaving a red burning line.

"Where black and white meet, there appears always grey," I returned and tried to sound unimpressed. It was nothing more than a scratch, but it burned like hell.

"Poetic..."

"I think they call it color theory."

He went to reply, but from the doorway, footsteps sounded and we looked up at the same time.

Madeleine, Sayuri and Penny came in and sat down with us.

"When will it be announced with whom you will meet later?", Madeleine wanted to know and Kaspian replied without looking at her:

"After lunch."

~

Theo was not really surprised when I entered the dance hall at nine o'clock sharp. He smiled happily at me and said with a wink: "It is always nice to find willing students."

I smiled back. "With the good food here, you have to keep in shape somehow." I didn't blame him at all for the way his gaze glided examining over me.

"Well then... Up, up! Remember the steps?"

I nodded and he waved one of the men over, who wore a mask like the day before. It seemed a little silly, but I denied myself a question about it. Instead, I reached out my hand to the man as he bowed to me.

After a few rounds Theo explained to me seriously that I had to find a balance between body tension and inner relaxation.

I had no idea how to do this and instead took a glass of water from a table, which had been set up on the edge. Besides me, a handful of other girls had come and it was Avril who joined me a little later and looked at me admonishingly.

"You are not nice to him."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't you have anything better to do than watch his every move on the live channel?"

"No," she pointedly returned. "I really don't. But _you_ obviously have nothing better to do than to provoke him."

Now I raised a brow and showed her my hand. "The man is a psychopath, Avril. This is just a game for him." Did I provoke him? Maybe. A little.

Avril took my hand and grimaced - surprised in an unpleasant way. "You couldn't see that in the camera angle," she whispered.

I sighed and pulled my hand back. "If he's really lonely, at least he has a very strange way of overcoming it."

Avril said nothing more about that.

~

Directly after lunch, the three girls were named, with whom Kaspian would later meet one-on-one... plus with countless camera lenses.   
Caroline, Layla, Yeleen. Names and faces which didn't mean anything to me and so I went carefree into the library. Well, or rather, I let a maid lead me there.

Silence reigned between the high shelves. The smell of old books and dust, but also of herbs hung in the air. As I walked across the creaky wooden floor in awe, I wondered for a moment if there were cameras installed here too, but even if - I didn't care. I felt small and inconspicuous as I put my head back and looked at the ceiling painting. Ancient gods, mythological figures and simple people were depicted there - all with books, scrolls or writing pads in their hands.   
A Roman emperor, lost in thought, chewed on his laurel wreath, completely absorbed in a scroll.   
A Chinese dragon had possessively curled up around a mountain of scrolls.   
And then I had to giggle when I discovered a tree nymph so engrossed in her book that she apparently didn't mind that a faun was abusing her for coitus and using her as a bookstand at the same time.

Amused, I now turned to the books themselves and wandered between the shelves for a while until I found the corner with science fiction literature. I grinned and pulled the first part of _"The Lost Fleet"_ from the shelf. This way it would be possible to bear living here in the palace.

~

A servant later had to remind me to get ready for the ceremony of selection, and an hour later I rushed into the garden. I was apparently the last one, but it didn't bother me any further. The nervous whispering died down before I had even joined the group properly.

Kaspian came to his lectern and frowned. He looked tired and a shiver shook him briefly, then he nodded curtly. "Caroline."

Surprised whispers accompanied the tall bony girl with short dark curls, who looked shocked.

I looked at Felicitas and Avril, who both seemed stunned, and then at Sarah. Even she had raised an eyebrow.

As if in a trance, Caroline sat down on the bench and drank the poison, lay down and died after a shaky sigh.

Kaspian made a face. "Please excuse my absence from dinner." With long strides, he walked away.

On the way to the dining room, I nudged Felicitas. "Surely you have seen the dates. Why is everyone so surprised?"

"Except for you, we were all in the lounge watching," she said pointedly.

"Caroline's date was actually really good," Avril interfered from the side.

"Yeah?", I followed up and she nodded eagerly.

"Worse than Layla, it can hardly be," Sarah noticed dryly and, as I looked at her with a raised brow, explained: "She broke off the date after he started playing with his knife."

"Well, anyway," Avril started again, "Caroline and Kaspian had a pretty good talk about the theater. Was actually interesting to listen. Yeleen later tried to do it similarly, but her conversation about modern art was quite forced."

In the dining room I caught a glimpse of a chalky pale Layla- an inconspicuous girl who didn't fit in here any better than Sarah or me.

"Caroline deserved a second date," Felicitas said and sat down.

The scratch on my hand strained unpleasantly as I reached for my water glass. "Kaspian is a psychopath," I repeated my words from the morning. "I bet he kept Layla because now he knows exactly how much his knifeplay scares her."

Sarah gave an amused snort and Avril made a face.

Felicitas looked at me critically and I showed her my hand. She nodded silently and I could see how she shivered.


	13. Chapter 13

My muscles were trembling, but I had gotten used to it by now. The same applied to the sticky feeling of drying sweat, clothes sticking to the skin or bone-deep tiredness. When Jackson first explained to us that ghosts were remotely controlling battle robots, I didn't think that we would still be chased through a basic military program of the old days until we were ready for operation.   
It was almost ten months now.

"Here." The young nervous man who had led me through the building pointed to a door and then rushed on before I could get out a tired _thank you_.

I leaned against the wall and took a deep breath. I had no idea why I had been called here, right out of training.

From the office in front of me came muffled voices which grew louder after a few minutes, as if the conversation was getting heated.

"...I'm aware of that, Jerry, but we can't send them out on a mission like that," it suddenly crept much louder out into the hallway and I winced.

The reply was incomprehensible.

"No. This is no good. We would have to put them in different barracks, but then sooner or later they go on strike or fail in battle. We can't afford that."

I blinked at the gray wall.

Again the second man was not to be understood.

"Yes of course! God, Jerry, you're right, we both know that, but you can't just make decisions based on military facts. The girl's going into reserve."

A feeling crept over me that Adrian and- especially- I was being talked about and I took a stance, although I still only heard half of the conversation.

"No. Same brain signals or not, but we have to use the boy while we can. When he dies, she will fight. No, she will, I know it. Because then she won't have to worry about him doing anything stupid anymore."

I licked over my suddenly dry lips and winced as the door opened and Colonel Smith half stepped out into the hallway.

"Ah, very good. Miss Connelly, come in. You have heard of the twin phenomenon, haven't you?"

~

The twin phenomenon. Of course. _Of course_ I had heard of it, but only in whispers. After all, fraternal twins were no more than siblings born at the same time. Nevertheless, I had heard the word, sporadically, when again something went wrong with the robots. Far too often it happened that I arrived at the _Amon_ and Adrian at the _Valkyrie_. Sometimes we were in the same robot at the same time, sometimes one of us did not arrive at all. And now...

Slowly I walked through the large hall where a good two dozen new robots were set up and waited for their departure in the morning. Already from a distance I saw Adrian standing in front of an _Amon_. He raised his hand and placed it on the metal chest of the war machine - it was a mixture of awe and affection.

"Hey...", I said softly so as not to frighten him.

"Hey...", he said just as softly and turned to me with a smile. "Tomorrow we leave. Weird, huh?"

I nodded. Tomorrow we were supposed to move from the newcomer's quarters to a housing unit of the ghosts. Within the next few days Adrian would be sterilized - my surgery had been cancelled.

"Which one is your _Valkyrie_? What is? You look so strange." His mood took a visible dampener.

I put my hands in my pockets and looked at the _Amon_. For five months, we had trained almost daily on simulations with the robots - as far as we could with the small technical problems. For five months I had been prepared for a _Valkyrie_.

"I won't get a _Valkyrie_ ," I said without looking at my brother.

"What?", he said, completely flabbergasted. "But why? What happened?"

"Adrian... I've been transferred to the reserves. I'm going to-"

"What?" The mixture of confusion, disbelief and annoyance made him look like a stubborn child.

"I'm going to be a caregiver for now," I said slowly and forcefully. "Later... I will inherit your _Amon_."

"Caregiver. Inherit," he echoed and blinked frantically. "What? _What the hell?"_

With a sigh, I looked back at the _Amon_. "Surely you heard the whispers about the twin phenomenon..."

"Yeah. Sure. But we're just siblings who happened to be delivered at the same time." He shrugged and I shook my head.

"Technology can't distinguish our brain signals most of the time. They have taken us apart to a genetic level, Adrian. There's a very rare form where the mother's egg divides before fertilization or something... The genes we have from Mom are identical, but-"

"I'm not coming along," Adrian admitted and interrupted me with it.

I sighed. "We are an in-between thing of identical and fraternal twins. And our brains are identical, apart from individual imprints, for example by sexual hormones. That's why technology can't do anything with us." After talking to Colonel Smith, a doctor explained it to me in as much detail as my basic knowledge of biology allowed. She had also explained to me that I was allowed to keep my reproductive organs for the time being, but that I had to take medication for that, like all the other girls out there.

Adrian nodded, but still didn't seem to understand. He also put his hands in his trouser pockets and painted invisible signs on the concrete floor with the tip of his boots. "You're going to be a caregiver?"

I nodded. "In your housing unit." I was assured that we would not be separated.

"And you... inherit my _Amon_?" With his head lowered, he raised his gaze.

Since I couldn't look him in the eyes, I looked at his scar, which shimmered on the shaved skull. I nodded. "If you can't go on anymore, I'll take over. They will turn off your implant and reactivate mine."

"If I can't go on..." he murmured. "Yours is inactive now?"

"Not quite." That too had been explained to me for hours, and I pulled my shoulders up. "As soon as your connection is stable, I will be put into a training mode. In order to participate in the simulations and get used to the _Amon_."

"Hmm..." He turned away and walked a few steps while I watched him.

The hours of conversation today had drained me and I wasn't even sure how I felt. It was both a mercy and a punishment to be able to care for Adrian while he was falling apart physically and mentally during his service.

Adrian made a strange snort - it was almost offended. "I wanted to fight with you side by side."

I tried unsuccessfully to disguise a sob - Adrian turned to me and we hugged each other.

"Don't cry, Aimee, don't cry," he asked quietly. "I'll be fine."

"So you call it _fine_ when I have to watch from the outside while your brain is getting fried?" I whispered against his shoulder.

"Hmm." he made thoughtful, almost agreeing. "But I know that you're looking out for me."

"Somebody has to."

He laughed softly. "It's always been that way, hasn't it?"

" _Always_ is a very long time, considering we're not sixteen yet," I said weakly and got an encouraging smile. "Don't you dare make another stupid video game joke now," I growled and he shook his head, although it was obvious that this was exactly what he had intended to do.

"No, Aimee. No stupid jokes." He kissed me on the forehead and then touched the _Amon_ with his fingertips. "Actually, it's a crass thought..."

"What?"

" _We_... are the _Amon_."


	14. 48 girls left

Caroline had not only talked with Kaspian about the theater, but had also been an assistant director in a theater, as far as I had heard. Accordingly, I found it bitterly ironic that the next afternoon's assignment took us to the small theater of the Prince's Palace. Or perhaps Kaspian just had a very sick sense of humor.

Well, Kaspian was waiting for us with a notepad in his hand; he sat with one butt cheek on the stage and looked bored.

"Somehow I don't like this," Felicitas muttered. Inwardly, I agreed with her wholeheartedly, because this couldn't bode well.

"Well, ladies, take your seats. But please, in a way that you can get to the front quickly- I don't want this to take all night," Kaspian said, sounding rather annoyed now.

Along with Sarah, I dropped down right at the edge of one of the back rows.

"Improvisational theater." he said, letting his gaze wander and then pointing behind him to the stage, where only a table and two chairs were standing. "This should be self-explanatory. You come up here in pairs, get a concept, and get to present yourselves." His face distorted. "Have fun."

"We'll have. Not." grumbled Sarah.

"God, this is going to be embarrassing," I muttered, less worried about myself than what I was going to have to watch.

Sarah merely snorted, and then the butler was already calling out:

"Stephanie and Beatrice. Birthday."

Hickey-Stephanie looked completely overwhelmed as she headed to the stage, and Beatrice tried unsuccessfully to keep her composure. Moreover, the two seemed to be talking completely past each other: Stephanie was trying to wish Beatrice a happy birthday, while the latter was apparently planning to throw a birthday party for her grandfather.

"This is even worse than I thought," Sarah muttered to me in horror after the butler broke it off.

"Twenty-three more pairs.", I said, and the girl sitting in front of me- I think her name was Maisie- groaned unwillingly.

"Judy and Felicitas. Shower!" the butler called out.

"What kind of stupid idea is that?", I muttered, and Sarah looked at me, shaking her head.

"Trust me, it can always be worse."

To my surprise, the two of them put on quite a funny presentation. Felicitas wanted to buy an apartment and Judy- in the character of her husband- desperately tried to make her understand that this apartment didn't have a bathroom. The two got applause and then the show went on.

Monique and Avril got the no less stupid word _ink_ and turned it into a philosophical conversation about tattoos.

Madeleine and Danielle had the concept of _therapy_ and they also talked a little past each other, because apparently Madeleine wanted to give therapy to Danielle, while Danielle saw in Madeleine a colleague and wanted to exchange ideas about sound therapies.

I was amused by Julia and Irene, who used the chairs to recreate a doctor's waiting room. While Julia told about all her impossible and quite disgusting diseases, Irene moved further and further away, until the butler - fitting to the theme - ended the sketch with the words: "Miss Julia please in treatment room 3."

Most of the scenes, however, were more tear-inducingly bad and in fact two girls burst into tears right on stage.

What I really liked then was Olivia and Sarah, who got the tag _date_. I mean, I was already surprised that Sarah didn't just stay seated, but on stage she sat down at the table and put in imaginary earplugs. Olivia appeared, sat down with her, and began to talk enthusiastically- about herself, Sarah- who must have been her date- and the future she envisioned. Sarah's only sentence at the end was:

"Sweetie, I don't know who you think I am, but that guy over there"- she pointed into the auditorium- "is trying to get your attention the whole time."

"Oh. Wrong table." Olivia grinned sheepishly and hopped off the stage.

I grinned and applauded, patting Sarah on the shoulder as she sat back down with me. "One sentence and it's saved."

She rolled her eyes. "Olivia did all the work and obviously enjoyed it. Shouldn't bother me..."

"Still, I thought you guys were great."

"Well, in the end..." Disinterested, she sat back.

After a mega-awkward performance by Orianna and Melanie, the butler called Mary-Ann and me to the stage and assigned us the topic of _breakfast_.

"We're having breakfast," Mary-Ann whispered to me excitedly, and I nodded.

"A marital quarrel, okay?"

She nodded back and we moved the table and chairs and sat down.

The first thing that came to mind was my dad, who always ate a boiled egg on Sunday mornings, so I pretended to crack one open while Mary-Ann sipped tea or coffee.

"Remember, darling," she said gently, "we're invited to the Mitchells' on Saturday."

"Yes.", I said foolishly, cursing myself inwardly, and then held my breakfast egg under her nose. "The egg is hard."

"Excuse me?" Mary-Ann was confused.

"I said the egg is hard." Annoyed, I looked at her. "How long did it cook?"

She blinked. "Five minutes, darling, just the way you like it."

"Does that look like a five-minute egg to you?" I raised a brow. "The egg is too hard, Mary!"

"Darling"- she struck a soothing tone- "I always give the egg five minutes. Always."

"Oh, yeah, and how do you measure the time?" Still indignant over the failed egg, I waved with it.

Dignified, Mary-Ann took another sip before replying, "Not at all. A good wife has it in her gut."

"Pah! In the gut! This ain't no five-minute egg, it's hard. And I don't like hard eggs, Mary, you know that."

"Of course, Harold-darling."

I continued to get indignant about the egg for a while, and Mary-Ann remained the acquiescent wife. The argument died down, and we continued to eat breakfast.

"By the way, darling," she then began, "the coffee machine is broken. I think-"

"What do I care about the coffee machine? I don't drink coffee," I grumbled in between.

"But I do!" Mary-Ann allowed herself a little indignation. "And I want a good cup of coffee in the morning!"

"And I want my goddamn five-minute egg!"

Before I really realized it, Mary-Ann had jumped up and swept something imaginary off the table. "Then divorce me!" Furious, she stomped off, and dumbfounded, I watched her go.

We got a lot of applause.

As I hopped off the stage, I saw that Kaspian was applauding too, but I had no idea if that meant anything, because from my seat further back I couldn't see if he didn't always do that out of pure feigned politeness.

"I didn't think you had that much acting talent in you," Sarah remarked with a wry grin.

"Neither did I," I admitted, and as I sat down, I noticed my hands shaking.

The rest wasn't worth mentioning and Layla and Yeleen finished up, with me not understanding a word of what Layla was saying. Yeleen, on the other hand, put herself on the spot and spoke about some museums.

When they finished (and got nearly no applause) Kaspian got up almost immediately and left.

"Judging by his expression, he doesn't care much for art and culture," Sarah remarked dryly, and I nodded.

"Maybe Yeleen will be next, then."

Outside in the hallway, Madeleine was rather smugly venting about the afternoon's activities. "I don't know what that was supposed to accomplish, but some of the people here definitely don't have the charisma."

"No.", Penny agreed with her with a sigh; she hadn't exactly earned herself a medal either. "But a queen is unlikely to be sent to any events unprepared."

"But a queen has to be able to _improvise_ ," Sayuri said sourly. Her performance could have been much better with a better partner.

The three of them paraded past Sarah, Avril, and me.

"Well, and some of them do seem to have very old-fashioned views," Madeleine remarked, and Avril raised a brow.

"Is she serious?"

"Of course. Maddy is seriousness personified." Sarah said it mockingly, but shook her head at Avril's wry look. "The woman has no sense of humor."

"And basically, the future queen will have to hold those same old-fashioned views, after all," I said, frowning. "She's a wife, a mother, and a pretty accessory, Kaspian can say what he wants. It's not like he can hand over the reins of government to her."

"I don't know about that, but at least as king, Kaspian will have the final say in everything later," Avril said, her face contorting. "At most, a woman like Madeleine could be useful as a secretary or assistant."

Sarah grinned. "You don't know Maddy very well then. If she doesn't get her way, the world will end."

"Well, if she doesn't get her way here, she dies," I said pragmatically, and shrugged.

"And of course you always have to start with _that_..." Avril sighed.

"That's just the way it is." Again I shrugged.

Sarah patted me on the shoulder. "I like your realism."  
  


~  
  


When it was time for dinner and I entered the dining room, the mood was strangely subdued.

"What's going on?" I quietly asked Sarah, who was sitting at the table completely relaxed, while the others were tense and quietly pondering what the next task might be.

Sarah shrugged. "Kaspian threw a tantrum."

"And?"

"Nothing. I don't care."

Judy sniffed, upset. "He had a fight with his butler. Seems there was a message from somewhere about single dates. Duration and regularity and stuff."

"He was terribly angry about it," Irene interjected, brushing back her long black hair. "That would be _his_ decision, _his_ bride, _his_ palace, _his_ life..." She sighed.

"Is anyone surprised?" Sarah grumbled and Melanie murmured:

"He's probably under a lot of pressure."

"That's no excuse for bad behavior," Laura returned.

"The guy doesn't need an excuse," Sarah continued to grumble.

"Honestly, what do you expect?" Tellingly, I rubbed the scratch he'd given me. "He's a murderous asshole and a sadistic despot. Congratulations! Who volunteers to marry him?"

"I don't care if my bride volunteers to marry me or not," Kaspian suddenly spoke up coldly.

It was a mystery to me how he could have heard me, and surprised, I looked at him as he suddenly stood at his chair and glared at me.

"As a despot, I take as my wife the one I want. She has no other choice."

"You always have a choice," I returned coolly as well, raising a brow. "And be it suicide if you don't take _no_ for an answer."

His lips twitched. "Running away would be downright cowardly, don't you think?"

I swallowed heartstricken and lowered my gaze.

"Whatever." he continued, the coldness in his voice replaced by boredom. "Mary-Ann, Olivia...you've earned a token."

"Aimee, are you all right? You're so pale all of a sudden.", Melanie wanted to know with concern and I nodded curtly.

"Yes. I'm fine." However, I had Jim in my mind's eye. Jim, whom I berated in my bewilderment as a coward who ran away from his responsibility and duty. I had sworn then never to run away, but I couldn't tell the others about it. Even if I would have liked to see Amaldea learn the truth... _that_ was too personal a detail.

It wasn't until the pre-soup was served that I was torn from my thoughts and Sarah nudged me.

"Hey, you can spill the beans."

"And let all of Amaldea see my insides? Sure.", I snorted. My hand trembled as I reached for the spoon, and I felt the others looking at me strangely.

"You need to eat properly.", Melanie said very quietly and I nodded, choking down some soup and then noticed that Kaspian was sitting stiff as a poker and hadn't even picked up the spoon.

Likewise, I took only a few bites of the salmon and spinach lasagna.

It was strangely quiet in the dining room, except for the sounds of eating, and I looked over at Mary-Ann, who seemed almost overwhelmed by her token.

Kaspian standing up a little later abruptly startled many. "Your next assignment is to recite a poem. Yes, I know, silly elementary school stuff. Wasn't my idea." He rolled his eyes and someone chuckled.

His butler approached and held out a tall stack of white envelopes to him. "My prince..."

Kaspian sighed sullenly, took some of the envelopes, and then literally pranced around the hall, completely randomly handing out one here and one there.

I accepted mine and eyed it skeptically; Sarah did the same beside me.

"What kind of horrible stuff do you think is in there?" she wanted to know.

I shrugged. "Open it up and see."

"You guys have all day tomorrow to get ready. The day after tomorrow you'll recite your poem," Kaspian explained, pushing the rest of the wrapped poems into the hands of his butler, who did the rest of the distributing.  
  


~  
  


Aimless and lost in thought, I wandered through the castle, unable even to bring myself to read in the library. Finally, I stopped at a small bay window and looked out into the dark garden. I hadn't thought about Jim as intensely as I did now for a long time. He had been seven years older than me, but still he had been nothing ahead of me in terms of experience.

When Sarah leaned against the window next to me, at first I thought it was Jim.

"I get that you don't really want to talk..." she began quietly and seriously, "but something has triggered you."

I looked up and met her probing gaze.

"What was it? Cowardice? Running away?"

I shrugged. "I don't want to talk about it."

She sighed. "Listen, Aimee...we're a pretty crazy, thrown together bunch here. What did Maddy say? A freak show."

"I'm not a freak.", I said angrily, although I certainly felt like one compared to her.

"Have you ever tried to kill yourself?" Sarah continued and I shook my head.

"No. Still, it's nobody's business." I hoped she understood and didn't ask further.

Sure enough, after a moment, she nodded. "Whatever you say. Sleep well." In her usual deadpan manner, she walked away and I sighed deeply.

After one last look out into the darkness, I returned to my room and changed for the night. It wasn't until I was in bed that I reached for the envelope and pulled out the poem.

**The Seven Deadly Sins: Lust.**


	15. Chapter 15

The lounge hummed with hushed conversations, nervous murmurs of recited poems, and a general tension.

I sat on a couch with Sarah and Helen, eyes closed, trying to block out the chaos around me. Breakfast sat heavy in my stomach.

"What's wrong?" Avril asked anxiously, and I opened my eyes, though I couldn't imagine she meant me. She didn't.

"The poem is awful." Layla replied quietly, sitting on a couch across from mine. We had already noticed that the poems were divided into groups: the seven deadly sins, the seven virtues, nature, love...

"Let me see..." Avril took the sheet from Layla and raised a brow. " _I bite my tongue and suffer without a sound, draw that old knife once more through my skin_... urgh, that's..."

"Gross..." Layla whispered.

"It's a song," I interjected.

"A song about self-mutilation?" Avril asked skeptically, and I shrugged.

"Was the theme song to a mini-series a few years ago. The band doesn't exist anymore."

"Whatever you're looking for, someone has almost certainly done a book, song or movie about it," Helen remarked calmly.

Layla had shown her fear for Kaspian's knife and I would have bet a finger that he had deliberately chosen that poem for her.   
Admittedly, I actually liked the song; a man cutting his own skin, _'cause only the pain remains for me'_. Morgan, the second _Loki_ in my unit, had even once referred to the song as the theme song of the _Lokis_ , because many _Loki_ pilots lost their sense of body- just as _Amons_ developed digestive problems or _Valkyries_ got problems with balance and sense of direction.

"Oh, look!" someone shouted, and my attention jerked to the TVs that had turned on. They showed the theater from the day before yesterday with Kaspian in the front row, talking on the phone with a concentrated expression.

"Ladies!" The butler appeared, indicated a bow, and smiled curtly. "The seven virtues will begin."

Mary-Ann, Sayuri, Amy, Rosalia, Isabelle, Maisie and a girl whose name escaped me rose and followed the butler out.

"Do you think this will be as embarrassing as the improv?", Sarah sleepily wanted to know.

"You're still asking that?", I returned, and she grinned.

"I don't know. Wonders never cease..."

I merely snorted.

  
  


Amy and Maisie forgot their lines halfway through, Rosalia and Isabelle took their performance uncomfortably to the extreme.

All the while, Kaspian sat unimpressed, merely calling out the next girl each time in an expressionless voice.

"I guess now comes the deadly sins," Irene said when the butler returned.

Promptly he said: "The seven deadly sins, please."

"Wasn't hard to predict, was it?", I muttered, patting Sarah on the shoulder, who had gotten the inertia and was now to my surprise actually standing up. "What about your will to refuse?", I wanted to know, eyeing the others. Besides us, Irene, Madeleine, Laura, Aurelia, and Chloe followed the butler out.

"Well, there's a certain minimum," Sarah said, looking at me askance. "I'd like to spend a little more time with you, and watch how it goes."

This surprised me very much, but Madeleine, who had heard Sarah, snorted snidely.

The butler led us to the back of the theater and into a small side room of the stage, where there were smaller props, boxes, crates, and a few racks of clothes with wrapped costumes.

Kaspian kept us waiting, uncomfortably long even, considering the confines of the room and the stuffy air within. "Sarah!" he finally called and Sarah sighed dramatically before stepping onto the stage.

With nerve-wracking slowness, she recited her poem on inertia and then paused at some point- I doubted she had finished yet.

"What is it?", Kaspian also wanted to know.

"Too inert for the rest." she replied wearily and Kaspian snorted audibly before calling Madeleine to the stage.

We in our chamber giggled suppressed.

She recited her poem about greed, who doesn't even begrudge the devil a single seed of grain, with cool passion.

Then it was Laura's turn to portray gluttony- how appropriate, since she was rather chubby herself and seemed exceedingly fond of food- and she gave a surprisingly good performance.

"Aimee."

I stepped up and swallowed, returning Kaspian's stare for a moment before looking away.

"What mortal sin did you get?" he wanted to know, because I couldn't quite find the beginning.

"Lust.", I answered hesitantly. The poem was beautiful, sensual without being perverse, but still I was embarrassed to have to recite something like that in front of all of Amaldea.

Kaspian nodded at me and made an inviting gesture with his hands.

I cleared my throat. _"The beautiest poem I did write on your skin, with my fingers, with my tongue..."_ I didn't sound even slightly sensual, and my voice broke.

"Forgotten the text?" Kaspian asked, raising a brow.

I shook my head, knowing what came next. _'See, I wove it like a shining band of sin/ in your hair, you hear the song?'_   
After clearing my throat, I set off for a second attempt, but broke off even faster than before. "Damn..." I muttered, running a hand through my hair.

Kaspian raised a brow again, but remained silent.

"I'm sorry, but I really don't feel lustful at the sight of you," I finally said freely, getting a deadly glare from the prince.

Irene in the preparation chamber began to laugh resounding.

Kaspian's face flushed and I almost expected a fit of rage, but he didn't let out more than a hiss before he left the theater with long strides.

On the other side of the stage was a second preparation room, from which Madeleine now stepped back onto the stage. "Are you completely _insane_?" she barked at me.

"Excuse me, but how am I supposed to exude sexiness when he's staring at me like a half-starved fish?", I hissed back.

Irene was still laughing, perhaps even harder than before.

"Aimee, you can't just throw a prince under the bus like that!" Madeleine hissed further.

"You know, it's not at all the appearance that matters," Laura blithely spoke up and Madeleine gave her a venomous look.

"That man will be our king in a few years!" continued Madeleine angrily.

I shrugged, but before I could say anything, Sarah interjected:

"Fair enough, but except for his bride, everyone else here couldn't care less. Because we're going to _die_ , Maddy, get that already in your head."

" _Madeleine_." the same corrected icily. "Still, that's no reason to be insulting."

"Yeah, yeah, there's a thin line between honesty and disrespect, I got that." I rolled my eyes.

"Let's face it, Madeleine..."- I half-turned to Chloe, who unexpectedly raised her voice- "do you find Kaspian attractive?" A calmly asked question with a lot of potential for escalation.

"It doesn't matter what's on the outside!" Laura shouted again, but no one paid any attention.

"Kaspian is sick," Madeleine said gravely. "He's on strong medication affecting his weight in various ways. With a few more kilos, he'd be really attractive."

Strange that I secretly agreed with her there, but now Sarah said with a touch of annoyance:

"And now we're _really_ going to leave the appearances aside and look at the _inside_. How can you find a character like his attractive without being a psychopath yourself?"

" _You_ of all people say that?" Madeleine shot back and I raised an eyebrow in wonder, while Sarah shrugged.

"I guess the Prince and I could find some common ground. Yes, indeed, certainly. But that doesn't mean I find him attractive as a sum total, nor that I'd make a good wife."

"Aren't we all a bit psychopathic?" Aurelia asked mockingly and before the discussion could actually escalate, the butler appeared on stage through a hidden door.

"Ladies, please, I am to take you back to the lounge."  
  


~  
  


We were left to stew there for quite a while until we were told that this task would be canceled. Since everyone had seen what had happened, I got the most different looks, but in my opinion, the many were more or less grateful.

I spent the time until lunch chatting with Felicitas, Avril and a- as always- very silent Sarah. Kaspian was not present at lunch - no one was surprised - and instead it was announced that three single dates would take place in the afternoon. Orianna, Judy and Maisie. Maisie was visibly nervous, she had already cut a pretty bad figure once today, but I didn't care much- I retreated to the library.

The evening was much cooler than the previous days and the air was humid; pretty soon they would have to hold the ceremony of selection inside the palace.

This time I was not the last to arrive, but nodded to Avril in the midst of a still small group. "Well, what's new on the gossip front?"

"Depends on what you want to hear," she returned, shivering as she tugged at her long, lace-only sleeves.

"An opinion on who's getting kicked out today, for example."

She looked around, then beckoned to Felicitas, who promptly quickened her steps.

"Are you getting a recap?" she wanted to know, and I nodded.

"Avril hasn't said anything yet, though."

"I think… Orianna," Avril said promptly.

Felicitas nodded gravely.

"Because?" I raised a brow.

"She wasn't the smartest when she advertised herself," Felicitas said politely and Avril snorted.

"She's a bitch, plainly put, and I think she hit a sensitive spot there."

"There's been a lot of discussion about whether Kaspian might still be a virgin," Felicitas added in the same politely respectful tone, as if he were listening very specifically to us right now.

"I don't think so," I said immediately, shaking my head.

"He was only how old when they put him on the storage siding here? Twelve?"

"As if there weren't enough employees around at the palace to take care of that, too," I interrupted Felicitas, shaking my head.

Avril chuckled. "In fact, it used to be customary to introduce aristocrats to physical love so that they would be prepared for their performing role on the wedding night."

"I doubt there was such an official order for it," I said dryly and Avril giggled again, while now Felicitas shook her head.

"And why is it so hard to imagine that he could really be one?"

"The guy is twenty-seven and a prince." Avril tried to make a convincing face, but she didn't come close to succeeding.

Still, I agreed with her. Not that I knew much about average young adults, but it just seemed utterly unlikely and downright absurd. "Honestly, Feli, even taking into account that he's sick and has to take medication, he's not completely locked up here, is he? I mean, you never heard anything from Leander in the direction of a relationship either, right? And yet, no one would assume he's still a virgin."

"All well and good, but you didn't see the date."

I shrugged. "So?"

Felicitas sighed and Avril pointed with her chin to the side where Orianna was just joining the group.

"Virgin or not, in any case, Kaspian was not very fond of what she told. That sort of thing just doesn't suit a queen."

"Maybe she was deliberately exaggerating," Sarah interjected so suddenly that we all winced. "Could be, no? So she doesn't have to put up with this shit anymore."

That and the appearance of Kaspian with his butler effectively silenced our discussion.

"How were the other dates?", I nevertheless whispered to Avril, who whispered back:

"Judy actually got the hint of a smile out of him, and Maisie totally blew it. If not Orianna, then her."

I nodded to her and turned my attention entirely to Kaspian, who was reaching for the lectern as if he needed to hold onto it.

After he had eyed us for a very long moment, I realized that he _really_ did need to hold on, for a tremor now reached his upper body. He turned his head toward his butler, but it was more a gesture of discomfort.

"I don't want to say many words, in fact none at all." He sounded exhausted and indicated a shake of his head. "I suppose my decision shouldn't surprise anyone, either." He paused. "Orianna."

"What?" she made in amazement, loud enough for all to hear.

Kaspian made no comment, nor did he move.

"Does she seriously think someone like her can have sympathy with the people?", I heard someone ask quietly as Orianna stumbled forward to receive her poison cup.

"Maybe she was hoping for one last fuck before dying," someone else returned, earning indignant hisses.

I didn't find the objection entirely absurd, but wisely kept my mouth shut, seeing the same thought in Sarah's face.

Kaspian actually said nothing more, and so there was a strange silence while Orianna died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song mentioned in the beginning does exist for real: "Leider" by Eisbrecher.


	16. 47 girls left

My assumption was confirmed in the sense that Kaspian was obviously not well. He remained missing for a whole week.

These days the others were even more bored than usual- I stayed persistently with my dance lessons and my books- but I still willed myself not to stay completely away from the catfight, which had been relatively subdued up to that point. I learned that Mary-Ann had used her token to get some special edition of the Bible, which prompted Theodora- at home in marketing- to talk at length about the potential profit of the bride show. Apparently, especially later, when favorites were identifiable, the fashion industry would take a close look at their outfits, but anything else that showed up would also find a ready market, depending on its importance. On another evening, Ninette dryly philosophized about the popularity usually granted to the participants of these shows for a while after their elimination, but she unnecessarily pointed out that in this case, after all, it was pointless. The mood was accordingly lousy.

  
~  
  


When Kaspian reappeared, he did so for lunch: pale, with trembling hands and dark circles under his eyes. His voice was low and raspy as he apologized with audible reluctance for his long absence, and announced immediately afterwards that he wanted to meet with three girls that afternoon.

" _Must_ is more like it," Amy muttered at the other end of my table.

"Irene, Laura and Felicitas," Kaspian said almost at the same moment, and I raised a brow.

Felicitas next to me nodded seriously at her water glass, I didn't see Laura, but Irene at the next table turned as white as a sheet. After all, she had laughed audibly at my remark in the theater.

"This could get interesting." Aurelia grinned, but the general mood was tense and accordingly the ensuing silence weighed heavily on us.

I looked to Sarah, who seemed bored as ever, but whispered after dinner in the hallway:

"With Kaspian's current mood, this promises to be extremely awkward for the three of them."

I nodded. "Whereas Felicitas certainly won't mind getting away from here."

  
  


I had honestly intended to at least watch Felicitas' date along with the others, but once again I got so lost in a book that a servant had to remind me to get ready for the ceremony of selection.

In the hallway I surprisingly ran right into Avril, who was looking at me critically.

"What?", I wanted to know, feeling a little cornered.

"You didn't see the dates, did you?"

"No, then I would have been with you guys. Why? Did something special happen?" I raised a brow, but Avril made a face.

"Hard to say..."

"Meaning?"

She shrugged. "Felicitas pointed out to Kaspian that she was engaged and was working on a baby. Didn't interest him. After that, they talked about economy."

"It's completely beyond me why he kept her in the first place," I grumbled, gathering my skirts to descend the stairs. "Even if he doesn't care about any of this and just picks a random bride who's the least annoying... why must there be women to choose from, of all people, who want him even less than the average?"

"You're the one who's always stressing what a cruel asshole he is." Avril returned pointedly.

"Yeah, but still... I mean, a future king shouldn't piss off the people."

Avril sighed. "You speak a true word, but maybe this should get through to him too. You can whisper it to him on your date."

I threw her a somber look. "How were the other two?"

"Oh, well... Irene pulled off a pretty good apology, if I may say so, and Laura probably went a little overboard on her favorite topic of food, but..."

"Your guess?"

"Hard to say." Avril shrugged. "After all, when he voted Caroline out, no one expected it."

"Maybe that's part of his strategy: kick out the ones he doesn't like by spontaneous decision and only partial public justification. Say, where are we actually going?"

"Into a sunroom. Really, Aimee, you're not getting anything." Now Avril gave me a mocking smile and I shrugged apologetically.

"I'm inattentive. Woohoo, bad queen, I'm getting kicked out."

Grinning, Avril shook her head and gave me a nudge against my upper arm. "You're incorrigible."

I didn't comment further on that. Instead, we now reached a beautiful and pleasantly warm sunroom, which almost had something cozy about it due to cleverly placed lights.

"Wow...", I murmured and turned my head when I heard water splashing - but I didn't see a source for it.

"Yeah... _wow_ pretty much sums it up," Avril murmured back.

It wasn't hard to find the right spot, as the lectern was in plain sight and not far away was the bench for the gentle passing away.

Georgina and Emma were quietly discussing the plants present here. Tamina and Stacy were lightly making fun of Laura's date. Kyra, Yeleen, and Carla were also gossiping, though they didn't mention names. Avril and I remained silent, Felicitas joined us with a stony face, Sarah appeared a little later.

Shortly after, Madeleine rushed in with her companions and took a - from her point of view - strategically favorable place. She very obviously didn't care that she had to displace other girls for it. "I really hope to get a meeting soon," I heard her say.

"Do you want to show him your list?" Penny asked curiously.

"Of course. Some of the totally unsuitable individuals should be removed as soon as possible before they become a bad influence."

" _Nothing_ can spoil a true queen," Sayuri said dreamily, while Sarah snorted beside me.

"That list of unfit individuals should have Madeleine's name at the top," she grumbled, then nudged Felicitas with her elbow. "Come on, that's disrespectful, say something about it."

But Felicitas merely sighed.

"Tell me, didn't you suspect her father might have bought her participation here?", I wanted to know and Sarah nodded.

"Is my guess, yes."

"But you can't buy a crown," Avril interjected, at the same time stretching her neck because Kaspian still hadn't arrived. "And Kaspian's announcement about the bride didn't sound like _he_ was going to be bought."

"No, but Sarah is right when she says Madeleine is disrespectful to us," I said. "He kicked Nanami out immediately because of that. So if her participation is bought, maybe he's deliberately cold-shouldering her later."

"In the finals?" Sarah asked with a grin and I shrugged.

"Too bad I won't get to see it.", Avril muttered, while I actually expected that sentence from Sarah.

"Come on, Avril, you have chances.", Sarah said surprisingly encouragingly, but at that moment Kaspian finally appeared.

The prince wore a slightly annoyed expression, but that could mean anything. He stepped up to the lectern, tapped it with his fingernails for a nerve-wracking long moment, and then pursed his lips.

"Now, ladies..." His fingers twitched toward his butler, who approached with the poison cup. "Laura."

No one seemed really that surprised, and Laura took it in good humor as well. I admired her a little for it, especially since she had a somewhat clumsy curtsy for Kaspian in store before she took the cup.

"Too bad," was Felicitas' quiet, almost envious comment minutes later, and it sent a shiver down my spine.  
  


~  
  


"Aimee."

I winced and raised my head. "Excuse me?"

Kaspian sighed in annoyance and so I turned to face him; I was sitting at his neighboring table with my back to him and had been waiting for lunch, lost in thought. "You're not listening."

"Sorry, I-" At his pinched expression, I swallowed the rest.

"I was just asking you not to be late later."

I nodded, but had no idea what he meant- until I saw Madeleine's frosty glare- sitting next to Kaspian as she did so often- and Avril's grin from across the table.

Oh. I had been called for a date. _Great_.

"All right, then, let's eat." Was it just my impression, or was Kaspian in a particularly bad mood today?

"I guess he got up on the wrong side of the bed today," Judy muttered quietly.

"It's not going to be much fun later," Lisa agreed with a pained face, and judging by the glances of the others, she too had a date for today.  
  


~  
  


Beforehand, I hadn't given any thought to how the whole thing would go, and accordingly I was more than a little surprised when my closet assistant Olga, of all people, picked me up from the library in the late afternoon. In fact, she practically dragged me behind her while she talked about possible outfits.

"Why," I started as she held several pullovers under my nose, "do I have to change at all?"

"It's the proper thing to do, dear." she explained, raising an eyebrow.

And because I could hardly contradict that and on top of that didn't want to mess with her, I just nodded and put on what she finally chose for me.

In fact, Kaspian's butler was already waiting outside my room, and I swallowed hard. All cameras, all eyes were now on me.

The way through the palace seemed endlessly long to me and as determinedly as the butler proceeded, it almost took me by surprise when he abruptly stopped and knocked on a door before he already opened it.

I entered a large living room which somehow seemed impersonal and empty, despite the furniture, paintings and decorations. An elongated bay window made of glass- almost a sunroom itself- gave a view of a rather secluded part of the garden. Almost in the middle of the room stood a small round table with two chairs and a noble tea service. Next to it Kaspian was waiting and nodded to me in greeting.

"Hello, Aimee."

Behind me, the door closed.

"Hello..." I felt incredibly silly and brushed a strand of hair out of my eyes.

"Have a seat." He pointed to the table. "Would you like some tea?"

I nodded and walked over to him. "Yes, thank you."

With a steady hand, Kaspian poured tea into small porcelain cups and sat down when I had seated myself.

A wall clock ticked in the background.

A little hesitantly, I took sugar and then stirred in my cup, which sounded eerily loud.

Kaspian was tense, but still different than usual, and definitely not in as bad a mood as he had been at lunch. Maybe Lisa and Wanda had improved his mood, maybe I would die tonight.

We both sipped our tea- it tasted like dishwater with lemon- and Kaspian's lips twitched as if he were trying to smile.

"You can ask questions," he finally said.

"Why did Leander abdicate the throne?"

"You seriously didn't watch the other... _talks_?"

"No."

"Well, then you would know that I'm not going to answer the question."

"Because you don't want to, can't, or aren't allowed to?"

"I won't answer that question either." A mocking smile played around his mouth.

"Then what's the point in asking questions?", I wanted to know, taking another sip of tea.

"Maybe you'll think of different things than the others."

"And how am I supposed to know what the others asked?"

"That's really _your_ problem now."

I sighed and rolled my eyes, but then I actually thought of something. "The other day you showed a particularly good ear..."

A strange grin appeared on his face and he tapped his right ear. "Hearing implant. Very observant of you."

"How come?"

"Youthful recklessness."

"I guess there's no further explanation for that either?"

"Right." He tilted his head in agreement and sipped his tea.

I could definitely think of a few more questions, but the chance of getting an answer to them was close to zero.

"Feel free to ask more questions," Kaspian said promptly. "Or tell me something about yourself."

"No."

"No?" Artificially surprised, he raised a brow.

"My life is none of your business, and I'm not interested in yours." I put on a polite smile and sipped my tea.

We spent the remaining 31 of the scheduled 45 minutes in silence. We drank tea. Kaspian played with his knife.

When the time was up, he literally jumped up from his chair and yanked open the door. "If I have to drink any more tea today or tomorrow, someone's going to get this fucking teapot dropped on their head!" he hissed angrily.

Admittedly, the tea set was painted with rather ugly little flowers, but it wasn't that bad.

"A man to fall in love with...", I muttered and gave the butler a forced smile.

The butler took me to the common room, where everyone turned to me and just stared at me at first.

"You really pulled it off!" It was Sarah who broke the silence almost cheerfully.

"And you even got some new info out of him!" Avril exclaimed afterwards. "I'm still blown that you noticed about the hearing."

"Um... yeah..." I looked to Felicitas for help, but she seemed completely absent-minded. However, it was Lisa's scowl, which - when she noticed my look - turned into a condescending smile, that caused me to withdraw in a hurry after a polite nod.  
  


~  
  


The ceremony of selection was just waiting for Kaspian to appear to begin.

Avril, who was smart enough not to talk further about the date, was clearly more tense than she should have been, making me nervous. There was excited whispering all around us, and then silence fell abruptly as Kaspian arrived.

With a cold smile, he stepped up to the lectern and let his eyes wander. "I can tell by looking at you what you're thinking..." he finally said, and Avril took a hissing breath.

"You were right." she whispered.

"Who?" Sarah asked.

"Aimee."

"About what?", I asked, irritated.

"He wants to remain unpredictable. And because everyone expects you to get kicked out, he's going to keep you."

"Wanda." Kaspian said loudly and clearly.

Stunned murmurs.

"Your knowledge of human nature is remarkable," Sarah commented mockingly-impressed.

I eyed Kaspian, who handed Wanda her cup, then turned his head. It felt like his gaze was boring into mine as he lowered himself to a sneer which gave me goosebumps. Of course, I was aware that he was playing by his own rules, but it would be nice if we didn't have to figure them out by trial-and-error.


	17. Chapter 17

I dragged the last box out of the elevator and sighed. The ghosts might not eat as much as normal, healthy adults, but still we were seven people and they consumed food along with other things. The former was delivered twice a week according to standing lists and exactly such a delivery had just arrived.

"Damn!"

Irritated, I turned around. Out of the front door of the apartment across from ours stepped a young man I had never seen before. "Hmm?", I made questioningly.

"It's Friday. Delivery." he said, hurrying to the stairs.

"Uh... yeah..." That was all I could think of to say. In the end, I shrugged and began to maneuver our unit's boxes from the elevator to the apartment door and then inside.

After a while, the stranger also got his boxes from the elevator and gave me a wry, somehow embarrassed smile, which I returned. I hadn't even realized a new caregiver had arrived here, but for his part, he obviously hadn't made it a point to get acquainted with the others either.

"Let me help you," Johnny said after a while in the kitchen, and I nodded at him. He'd had a really good couple of days, and wrapping him in cotton wool even though he was feeling good would accomplish nothing- except a bad-tempered Johnny.

"So how are the missions going?", I asked in a chatty tone and he told me about some missions in South America. This was a touchy subject after several years ago- it might have been seven or eight years now- multiple combat units had wreaked havoc among refugees in the south of what used to be Mexico. Rumors persisted in the barracks that Amaldea had been involved, even with some really high-ranking officers, but officially there was no talk about it.

"... and he just starts shooting rockets into the air like crazy... huh?" Johnny interrupted himself.

"Rockets.", I said, as I thought Johnny had gotten a little too lost in the memories, but when I half turned around, he was staring in a freezer box in irritation. "Johnny?"

"Since _when_ do you order frozen eggplant?"

"Ugh. What am I supposed to do with this?"

He pulled out a box of said frozen eggplants. "Here. There's all kinds of stuff in there that we don't eat at all."

"Leave it in, I guess something got mixed up," I said, and headed straight for the communications terminal. Before I could bring it out of its sleep mode, though, there was a knock on the door. "It's open!", I called, and the door opened.

The new caregiver was standing there, looking a little annoyed. "Please tell me you have a wrong box. I've already checked half the house."

I grinned at him. "Your search is over. You're welcome to take your frozen eggplant."

"What stuff?" Horrified, he looked at me and I shrugged.

"Was in there..."

"Ugh..."

"You don't even know what you ordered?"

"I just got here yesterday." Various emotions flitted across his face, then he smiled a little bit forced. "I'm Jim."

"Aimee." My smile was noticeably more genuine. "I'll get you the box."  
  


~  
  


A few days later, Jim startled me to the core when he suddenly appeared in my kitchen.

"Good Lord! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

His cheerful smile faded. "Sorry. One of your ghosts called me in. I wanted to... actually, I wanted to apologize."

Irritated, I looked at him. "For what?"

He hunched his shoulders a little. "Our first encounter was a little unfortunate."

I waved it off. "Forget it. I'm sure it's not easy to change places."

"No, but that doesn't excuse that kind of behavior."

"You weren't a bully."

"Still."

We looked at each other for a moment; he meant it, so I nodded. "Apology accepted."

"Thank you." A relieved smile flitted across his face. "You are baking?" he then asked.

"Chocolate chip cookies. The first ones are already done. Would you like to try?" It may have been a rather pitiful attempt to keep a slightly uptight conversation going, but Jim seemed pretty tense.

"I'd love to. I'm a disaster at that, I'm afraid." He picked up a cookie and bit into it.

"The baking?", I followed up, while turning my attention back to the cookie dough in need of shaping.

"Just generally the kitchen," he corrected, and I glanced over my shoulder.

"Aren't exactly the best conditions for a caregiver..."

"No." His face became expressionless and he looked away. My words had been a bit thoughtless and seemed to have hit him, but before I could get out an apology, he ran a hand through his hair. "Ever heard of the twin phenomenon?"

I nodded. "I'm one of them."

His eyes got big and then his smile returned- albeit a rather sad, almost desperate one. He had to be a few years older than me, mid-twenties for sure, and maybe his twin was already pretty used up.

"What are you?", I asked cautiously, aware that this could be the completely wrong question, but we couldn't sweep such a topic under the rug in our situation.

" _Ares_. And you?" Seriously, almost dismissively.

" _Amon_. Do the cookies taste good? I modified my standard recipe a bit." A white lie couldn't hurt in that case, and his smile returned.

"Very good, thank you. Can I take some for the others?"

I grinned at him. "Why do you think I make such quantities?"  
  


~  
  


The hot summer turned into a humid autumn. Jim and I would often sit for hours in the hallway, next to the open apartment doors - to keep an ear out for our ghosts - and talk. I thought it was really fascinating how much to talk about we had, even though we had both been cut off from the outside world for years and had many things in common. His brother and his unit, like Johnny, were currently in South America and we once discussed the rumors of the Mexico massacre late into the night.

One afternoon when I returned from weapons training, I ran into Jim in the hallway.

"Hey..." I wearily wiped the damp hair from my face; it was raining again.

"Hey..." He nodded to my door with a smile. "There's a tea waiting for you."

"And you know this _how_?", I asked, pushing the door open.

"I made it for you. Adrian said you should be back soon, and lo and behold..." His smile slipped a little; he and Adrian somehow had a problem with each other, even though they had run into each other merely a few times in passing.

"Thank you." It seemed rude to just walk in and close the door, so I asked, "Would you like to come in?"

He nodded, but pointed to his own apartment door. "I'll just go check on the others..."

Five minutes later, we were sitting at the table, me warming my ice-cold hands on the warm teacup and giving a somewhat frustrated account of my training.

"Don't mind it," Jim said consolingly, smiling encouragingly. "Some are warriors, others are craftsmen."

"I _do_ mind, though...", I grumbled. I knew myself well enough to know that the frustration would be half as bad tomorrow, but for now...

"I know." Jim's smile changed a little, and while I was still wondering what he was trying to tell me, he reached out and brushed a strand behind my ear. "And you're going to try again and again and I'm going to watch you and eat your stunning cookies while you do it."

My face warmed and uncertainly I stared at him.

"Your cookies _are_ stunning and you're notably pretty," Jim said slowly, blushing as well, his fingertips shyly touching my hand on the tea cup.

It wasn't something I had expected, and I had no idea how to respond- but the lack of a reaction in turn evoked a reaction in Jim.

"I'm sorry." He pulled his hand back, something disappeared from his face, and hurriedly he stood up.

"No, Jim," I stood up as well, spilling tea on the table, "don't be sorry." I felt incredibly stupid. I was nineteen, and had I followed the normal path, I'd probably be in college by now, and I'm sure I'd have had a pretty boy or two in my bed in the past. Instead, here I was, with damp hair smelling like gunpowder, and I had no idea how to flirt.

"I didn't mean to scare you," Jim said, also sounding insecure.

"Yeah. No. You didn't." We looked at each other and my stomach began to tingle. How would it feel to kiss him?

"Can I..." he licked his lips, "I mean, would you like me to... kiss you?"

I nodded and swallowed, moving a tiny bit towards him and that was enough of an answer.

"Okay..." he whispered, already moving forward, and then he paused again just a few millimeters from my mouth before pressing his lips to mine.

The tingling from my belly spread, my scalp became tingly and my fingers twitched, wanting to touch him- but I shied away.

Jim looked unsettled and confused. "Do you think it's right if we do this again sometime?"

I wrapped my arms around myself. It wasn't forbidden for us caregivers to have relationships with each other- some even had relationships with ghosts, though _that_ wasn't as welcome. "I liked it."

Now he smiled faintly. "Yeah, but that's not what I mean."

"Why did you even do it if you regret it now?", I wanted to know, suddenly feeling exceedingly idiotic; his smile faded.

"I don't regret it. Aimee, don't think that, please, I just - no, I thought you wouldn't want it, and I didn't think that far ahead. I don't know where this is going." he stammered and reached out, touching me on the cheek.

"I don't know...", I said honestly, because I really didn't know. "But after the first kiss, there's usually a second."

He raised a brow, then laughed softly and kissed me a second time. "I know why I like you."


End file.
